Letter 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Dear Karl...

I'm not even going to try and hide your identity cause well... maybe you'll randomly stumble upon this, read it and either get so mad or so touched and you'll actually get a hold of me.

So... after high school you left and went on to college. My family and I got to see you during that time. We had a wonderful night with you. You hadn't changed a bit. Lots of big dreams, wonderful laugh and still a beautiful person. Then... suddenly I heard through the grape vine that you had decided to not talk to our old "gang" again. Any of us... something happened (no one knows what) and you pulled yourself away.

Dude. That's just weird. What is going on? We were all SO close in high school and even those few years after. We were the group of friends everyone wished they had. And now... now you won't talk to us?

So yes... you pester my mind. I'd love for you to tell me your story... cause I'd love to continue to be a part of it.
Love ya!
R

Letter 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Dear me...

When I think of who I am and I compare that to who I wish I could be... I'm not surprised to find that there isn't much I'd change. Of course, I'm not perfect and so there is plenty to change... but I think my mistakes are what make me "me".

But... if I could alter me a little... I'd probably want to:

• love the way Jesus loved
• be more confident
• think with my head before my heart
• have a college degree
• be a size 6... (can I say that?)
• say the right thing all the time
• hate chocolate

But then... if I could be someone else... I wouldn't be me.
And that wouldn't be much fun.
me

Letter 17 — Someone from your childhood

Hey G!

You popped up in my mind right away.

Your presence in my childhood made it memorable. You were and are such a sweet person. You were game for just about anything. I don't remember us ever fighting/arguing about anything.

Here's what I do remember:
- The Coconut Bar
- your dad's famous (secret) soup
- mini bottles of pop (when they first came out!)
- using an entire bottle of vanilla extract when making a cake (and how your mom wasn't happy we mis-read the instructions!)
- the Kid's Kamp
- riding around on four wheelers
- the way your laundry smelled (yeah, I know. I think it's weird too)
- your princess bed (and how I so wanted one!)
- your giant toy room
- the really awesome Halloween costumes you had
- our trip to Florida (and matching bikinis and dresses!)
- playing in your jacuzzi tub!
- camping with you, your mom and brother for a week in the Soo (for skating lessons)

Thanks, fille, for making my childhood exciting and wonderful and rich.
I love you lots,
me

Letter 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Dear C... I'm writing to you again because you live in a different State... and I miss you terribly.

I'd like you to know that I think moving all the way to Texas was probably one of the best choices you've made. I think, from talking to you, that you've found a new perspective on life. You needed that. You needed the distance to give you a fresh start.

You've been gone for a few years and you talk about coming back... I'm not sure if that's going to happen or not (I'd like it to!) but for now, Texas is where you and your family below. You've grown a lot since your departure and I'm not sure what Kansas would feel like to you, should you return.

I pray for you guys...
Love,
Renee

Letter 15 — The person you miss the most

Dear family...

I miss you guys the most. I can't say that it's one more than the other... it's just all of you. For me, you're a complete set. My visits back home with you, fill my soul. Our various conversation heals my heart from the time missed.

I miss our jokes. I miss our talks. I miss our walks. Most of all I miss you. My roots.

I hope to see you soon...
Je vous aime,
Renee

Letter 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Dear C...

We still keep in touch... a little. But we used to be so much more into each other lives.

You are from a chapter in my life that seems like a lifetime ago and... it really could be. A time when we were both trying to figure out where we fit while struggling with some major bumps in the road.  You lost your sweet baby girl just a year before we ever met but when you speak of her still today, I hear the heartbreak behind that smile. When V passed it shook us all to the core. So many choices made, so many lives changed.

What I admire about you is the way you always, always, overcome. You have this spirit inside you that refuses to give in to depression or self-pity. You have a heart of gold. You forgive, you forget, you move forward. And you don't judge.

What beautiful memories I hold onto because of you. Our wild ride to Canada, the "meese" we got to see, the amazing support and love you gave me when I miscarried as well as the support you gave me at my very first RockFest (was that really support?!). :)

I love you, C. I wish you lived closer and I wish I wasn't so rotten at keeping up with people who move away. You are an amazing woman. Thanks for (still) being my friend.

Love,
Renee

Sweet 13

Ma belle A...

I've known you for exactly 535 days.
I remember our very first meeting. You were very shy and I was so nervous. Meeting your dad's new girlfriend could not have been easy... especially, as you tell me, with all those evil step-mother stories floating around in your head.

535 days with you in my life has been quite the blessing. You are a beautiful young lady and today is your birthday (posted a bit late... sorry!). From what I know of you, I love every piece of you.

I love...
... your love of any bright and loud color.
... your love for your family.
... your passion for the Lord.
... your love of flip flops (who's your dad?!)
... your creativity.
... your sensitivity.
... your Type A personality. ha!
... your love of cats (and dogs!).
... your sense of humor.

535 days of you has been awesome. I can't wait to spend hundreds and hundreds more!
I love you lots,
Renee

Letter 13 — Someone you wish you could forgive

No letter for this one needed... I tend to forgive pretty easily. I'm not sure if that's good or bad... I tend to think it's a sweet gift God has given me.

Maybe I have been able to forgive so easily because the hurts that have been caused haven't been towards my children. I don't know how easily I could forgive someone hurting them... I hope I could find the peace in my heart to make the right choice then too...

We all make mistakes. Some are huge and some are small. We aren't perfect...

My mistakes aren't any better or any worse than yours. Not forgiving means I hold myself at a higher standard than you. That I am more perfect than you. I don't and I'm not.

I forgive because I need forgiveness.

Letter 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Dear Ms. Person...

I don't hate anyone or anything but I have to admit... you tend to be a pain in my butt. You are the person who triggered my very first anxiety attack. That's pretty crazy. 

I love calmness, predictability and appropriateness... all of which you struggle with. It's ok to be the way you are, to let emotion overtake you and to go with the feelings, but for me... I can't do that. I can't be around someone who's behavior I can't predict.

I've known you for a while now and I love you. I think you have a good heart. I also think you struggle deeply with all kinds of emotional junk (as we all do) that you can't seem to work through. I get that. And I'm sorry for your past and I'm sorry for your hurts.

From now into the future, we'll have to see each other once in a while and communicate over family matters, but today... today I choose to protect myself from future hurts and future drama. Today I choose to limit my involvement with you in order to protect myself and my children from hurts that may come from your instability.

I love you and will continue to love you and I wish you nothing but the very best,
Renee

Letter 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to

Cher Grand-Papa...

You've been gone for a few years now and I think of you often... your birthday is coming up and I know it makes Mom pretty sad. She's now an orphan.

Now that I'm older (and I'd like to think, a bit wiser), I would love the opportunity to sit with you and to talk about your childhood, how you met Grand-Maman. How you felt when she passed, leaving you with 5 very young children.

Were your parents entrepeneurs like you? What was your favorite business to own? What was going on in your mind when you had a stroke in your early 60's? Were you able to really enjoy the last 20 some odd years? And Mimi... tell me about how you fell in love with her...

What did you enjoy the most about life? Was God always a part of if?

Enjoy your time in heaven because when I get there... we'll be chatting for quite a while.
Je t'aime, Grand-Papa.
Renee

Letter 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

My sweet sweet C...

I'm horrible at keeping up with you (and anyone else who isn't within a 25 mile radius of me)... thank goodness for Facebook!

Life has this way of keeping me plugged in to those who are physically near me. I have trouble taking a step back and looking beyond what is begging for my immediate attention.

It's funny though, that when we do get a chance to chat or visit, we're right back to where we were when we last left off. Maybe it's because we were inseparable during those crazy hormone filled years. Or maybe it's because you truly accept me now for who I am... who I've become.

I miss the days of our "coffees" at the Columbia and working at Mariette's with you. I miss working at the chip stand or heading to the beach or the pool hall... or anywhere, as long as I got to do with you. You were my best friend. You are my life long friend.

Thank you for accepting me the way I am... lack of communication or loads of communication. You love me just the way I am. And I love you just the way you are!

Your forever (and horrible at keeping in touch) friend,
Ren

Letter 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Dear President Obama,

I don't know you and you certainly don't know me.
I'm actually surprised that your name came up when I thought about who I wish I could meet because... even if I could have voted... I wouldn't have voted for you. There are numerous reasons but in the end it comes down to values for me and Democratic values don't seem to sync with my more... conservative (Republican) values.

Why would I want to meet you? Because even though I wouldn't have voted for you, someone did. Lots of someones did and you won and you are now the President of the USA, a country I love very much. And I believe you are doing the very best that you can to manage and lead it.

I suppose I'd just like the opportunity to sit down and understand you more. Understand the many many influences that affect your decision making. I'd like to truly understand your heart. It's not just because it's "you"... it would be any president really. We often gripe and complain about all these decisions being made in Washington and we think we know what's going on based on what we hear from well written speeches and news channels trying to make a buck... but I tend to think we hear maybe 20% of the truth... (maybe?)

So what's the real deal? What's really going on over there in your world?

Would you tell me? If we met...
Renee

Letter 8 - Your favorite internet friend

I don't have any "internet friends" however, I follow some really cool blogs and so...

Dear Authors-of-Blogs-That-I-Follow,

I'm not sure what it was at first that drew me into your blogs. Your honesty? For some yes... Your creativity? Yes... Your ability to write as though talking to a friend... most definitely.

Whatever the reason, you're on my list of blog reads. I turn to you every morning to see what is happening in your world. You make me laugh, make me cry and inspire me to be me. Thank you for opening up your life's experience to the world wide web and especially to me.

Your "follower",
Renee

Letter 7 - My ex-boyfriend

Dear ex-boyfriend,

There were ex-boyfriends before you and ex-boyfriends after you, but today I'm writing to you because you're the one that I lusted after harder than any other. I broke your heart and you broke mine. Teenage love is quite complicated and ours was no different.

I want to thank you for never making me feel pressured to do anything I didn't want to... for treating me like a lady (you know... a 15 year old lady). For walking quite a distance to walk me to school (seriously thoughtful!) and for calling me and paying attention in an appropriate manner. And for fighting for me even when I didn't deserve it or accept it.

Our very brief teenage fling(s) taught me about the consequences of my actions and words in a "real" relationship. You were my first try at something more mature and I'm grateful it was you whom I got to share that with.

I pray that you are doing well in your current relationship and that I blessed your life, as you did mine.
Renee

Letter 6 - A stranger

Hey there stranger! :)

You don't know me and I don't know you... So what would I tell you about me? What are the most important things you should know about me?

I'm a Christian.
I'm a wife and mother.
I'm loyal.
I forgive easily.
I love hard.
It seems impossible for me to hate (I haven't been able to do it yet...).
I will reason loving others even if it hurts me.
I love to serve.
I'm curious.
I hate to disapoint, but it happens.
I love peace and dislike confrontations.
I suffer from anxiety.
I'm an optimist.
I love to laugh.
I like to have things my way.
Some say I'm a good leader, but I prefer to follow.
I clean like crazy when I'm stressed out.
I strive to be transparent, always.
I am very patient... but you'd better watch out when I run out!
I like to talk.
I love to read.
I like a good party...
... but I also like to be alone.
I struggle with finding balance in my life.

Why is it important that you know this about me? Because those things are part of my core. It's who I am.  So if we ever meet and you wonder what I'm all about... you'll already know.

Until we meet...
Renee

Letter 5 - Your dreams

My dreams...

I have many of you and I love you all the same. Some of you are simple and easily attainable while others require some serious faith in God.

Some of you have morphed from a little girls fantasy to a grown woman's truth. I refuse to give any of you up because that's not who I am. I will keep you, hold on to you, create more of you until the day I take my last breath because I believe without you, life loses some of it's splendor.

Thanks for sticking by me and letting me lean on you during trying times.
Renee

Letter 4 - Your sibling

My sweet J...

What a bumpy road we've been on, you and I... :)  We've had quite the tumultuous relationship and I'd do it all over again if it meant we'd have the relationship we do today.

We are so completely different but we share a history, a present and a future. We are the product of our parents love and sacrifice.

Our lives are far greater than what we thought it would be when we were little girls. I have far less children than what we talked about and you have far more! I live in the "big city" and you are a "small town" girl.  You live close to Mom and Dad, whereas I moved thousands of miles away. It's funny isn't it? How things are never quite how you planned? They still end up just the way they are supposed to.

You've grown so much in the last few years. So much so that it's hard to believe you are still the same girl I grew up with. Your outlook on life is so much different. I love to be able to share about motherhood with you and listen to you over the phone as you cry about life's hardships and know that I can do the same.

I love you the way you were, the way you are and the way you'll be. Not because I have to but because I choose to.

I love you,
"The good sister" :)
Renee

The magic number

5. It's a big number. One you've been waiting on for a while. Your magic number. The number that makes you giggle. You love this number and I can't quite figure out what makes it so wonderful... but you can have it. It's all yours. You've earned it. We've both earned it. 5 years of full crazy days. 5 years of giggles, tantrums, less than wonderful eating habits and never-want-to-end cuddles.

You are 5.

You are my baby. My last. My sweet curly blond haired boy. Did you know I prayed for you to have blond curly hair and brown eyes like your daddy? And that you make faces and look more and more like my daddy every day? But that's where the similarities end. You are your own person.

You are one of the most strong-willed, determined, confident preschoolers I have ever met. You have an amazing memory, you love to learn, you have a can-do attitude about everything. You have a sweet heart and you love Jesus. What more can a mama ask for?

I love you my little Monkey. I hope "5" is everything you hope for!
Love,
Mommy

Letter 3 - Parents

A mes parents que j'aime avec tout mon coeur,

Let me begin by telling you that I appreciate you so much more now then I ever have. I can't say that I completely understand what it was like to raise us girls, but I have a glimpse into your life while raising my own children.

You were and continue to be amazing.

Thank you.

Thank you for...
...always trying your very best.
...making us a priority.
...making your marriage a priority.
...taking us to church.
...being affectionate towards each other in front of us.
...kissing and hugging us like crazy.
...creating for us beautiful childhood memories.
...respecting each other.
...showing us how to be friends by being friends to others.
...shielding your own personal struggles from us.
...being a team when all you wanted to do was run from each other.
...creating a safe home where we could talk to you about anything.
...creating a home where we could always have our friends over.
...being involved in our lives (through school/sports/friends/etc)
...snuggling (and sometimes falling asleep) with us for as old as we wanted you to!

But most of all... thank you for being you.

Mom, I love you more than the whole wide world and back again. Dad... Je t'aime fort fort plus que tout les nuages!!!

Marie-Renee
xo

Letter 2 - Your husband

Dear B,

Today we've been married for 84 days. Can you believe it?!

I have loved every one of those 84 (yes, even those not so fabulous ones), because I spent them with you.

I have and continue to learn a lot about myself because of you. You challenge my thinking, my motives and my heart. Even during my not-so-great moments, you are patient and loving and for that I love you all the more. I love that I can be honest with you about everything. I hope you feel the same with me.

Your willingness to continually learn about life/relationships/others is inspiring. You are comfortable in your own skin and that confidantes makes those around you feel comfortable as well.

You are an amazing husband but most importantly (for me) a really awesome step-dad. You have a heart for those boys that most have to work on for years. You want the best and success for them not just now but in their future. Thank you. Thank you for loving them so much.

You are my best friend and I am so blessed to have you to share my life with...

Here are just a few things that  you do that make me smile!

1. The insane nicknames you have for me.
2. The way you lay out your clothes for the next day... sometimes days before.
3. That you never finish a bar of soap.
4. The look on your face when I ask you what you're thinking about. :)
5. Your love of coupons.

All my love,
Renee

P.S. And of course I love that you know all kinds of "interesting" sports trivia...

Letter 1 - Your best friend

To my sweet sister by choice,

We met in such an awkward and weird way that only God could orchestrate. I didn't realize how much I needed you and now I can't imagine my life without you.

Right now our relationship is redefining itself. We're in different places in our lives and we have made some pretty big life changing choices. We've worked on ourselves as individuals for a while now and we've come out more confident, not only more sure of ourselves but more sure of our direction. This relationship growth makes us uncomfortable and insecure at times. We both don't like change but we both see the fruits of its growth.

We've seen each other at our worst, at our best and everything in between. You know exactly when I need a good kick in the butt and when I need a hug. You listen when no one else will and you always have something great to say... whether I want to hear it or not.

We have been through quite a bit during the past years. Every new year we tell ourselves "This is our year!" only to have something pretty major happens that seems to have one of us bawling. But you know what? When I think of it, I realize that it's always been "our year", because we've done it together.

Thank you for always being there to listen and to sit in it with me. Thank you for finishing my sentences. Thank you for understanding our language so well. Thank you for reading my facial expressions and knowing exactly what I'm thinking. And thank you for loving me just the way I need to be loved.

I pray that I am as good of a friend to you as you are to me...
Yours forever
~Ray :)

30 days of letters

I stumbled upon this somewhere in the the world wide web... and decided I should give it a go. This could be a good growing opportunity for me... and for you? Tomorrow will be Letter 1...

Letter 1 — Your best friend
Letter 2 — Your husband/wife/lover/bf/gf/crush
Letter 3 — Your parents
Letter 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Letter 5 — Your dreams
Letter 6 — A stranger
Letter 7 — Your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Letter 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Letter 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Letter 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Letter 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Letter 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Letter 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Letter 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Letter 15 — The person you miss the most
Letter 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Letter 17 — Someone from your childhood
Letter 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Letter 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Letter 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Letter 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Letter 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Letter 23 — The last person you kissed
Letter 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Letter 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Letter 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Letter 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Letter 28 — Someone that changed your life
Letter 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Letter 30 — Your reflection in the mirror