Blessings

I was having a frustrating day last week.

I was irritated with everything about apartment living.
... the neighbors and their noise.
... the broken alcohol bottle I found outside that day.
... the out of control neighbor kids.
... the vomit outside that belongs to the partying kids in the unit over.
... the lack of storage.
... the tiny space.
... the carpet I can't keep clean.
... the really bad workmanship seen throughout the apartment.
... I can't paint or really make it "my own"... cause it's not mine.

All these things had me feeling bummed out. I was walking the dog, and talking to God about how much I really wasn't enjoying this apartment life anymore. 3 kids, 2 adults, one dog and a Gecko in 1000 square feet - a mere 200 square feet per person.

As I walked it was clear what God was telling me. I am blessed. Very very blessed. I'm not one to want what others have. I'm not one to keep up with technology. I purchase everything on sale (which means last years fashion). I wear very little makeup and it's not the fancy kind. I purchase cheap shoes because it seems wasteful to buy fancy ones. I'm a pretty simple person.

But I want a home. A place I can call my own where I can nest and love. A place the kids know is permanent and where we have enough room to have people over to fellowship with. I want a place that screams family. A place to minister. A place of our own.

Right now, at this time, I can choose to sit around and dream of a home and feel dissatisfied with what I have, but that is exactly the type of behavior I don't like my kids to exhibit. This is where I am. This is what God has given me. This home. This home full of noise and chaos. This home where food is spilling out so much we had to add more shelves to the laundry area. This home where the carpet is stained because we have lots and lots of shoes that track in the mud from the large open space the kids play in between the complexes. This home where things might not "look" the way I want them to but they function just fine. This home that keeps me protected from the elements (at a cheaper cost than a house would!). A home where my children can see the effects of negligent parents and feel the blessings of theirs. A home where lots and lots of life circumstances are talked and learned about and compassion is shared with neighbors.

Maybe it's not my "ideal" living situation, but it's where God wants me. Maybe it's not "mine" but nothing really is anyway. Today God has me where He wants me, where I need to be in order for Him to teach me, to love me, to guide me into whatever future is in store for me.

And anyway... who am I to tell God that I want different blessings than the ones He chose for me??