Exoneration

ex·on·er·ate (g-zn-rt)
tr.v. ex·on·er·at·ed, ex·on·er·at·ing, ex·on·er·ates
1. To free from blame.
2. To free from a responsibility, obligation, or task.

D and I have been talking about exoneration the last couple of weeks. That's where I am with the elephants in my life. I'm exonerating them all and letting it all go. Not because I can't handle it, but because I can. Elephants are heavy and they drag you down. I don't want to keep having to move them, inspect them, talk about them over and over again because it's not helpful or productive. Later it might be helpful or needed but for now, it's not.

I was constantly looking back trying as hard as I could to not repeat or create the sins I had witnessed but now I've made my way towards a healthier me, the me I want to be. I sat around for too many years pretending it all away and I spent the last year yanking it all out and talking the death out of it.

I understand why I made the choices I made. I understand why I didn't care enough about myself to expect better. I understand why I couldn't accept God's grace. And I understand why it's hard for others to understand.

Exoneration isn't something you do for the elephants, it's something you do for yourself.