It was worth it

I just posted this blog link to my Facebook page. That's kind of a big step for me.

I want to be transparent and I want people to know my crazy thoughts and rants and I feel like I'm at a place where I can accept other people's comments/support/critiques.

It feels good to be here.

I've been making some really good headway in therapy - so much so that I'll be graduating within the next 6 weeks. I felt really good talking to D about wrapping it up and letting me face this crazy world on my own. I'm not at all "healed" because that really doesn't exist. This life is a journey and it will never be perfect and I will be causing and receiving all kinds of wounds but I feel like for the last 10 months I've been filling my toolbox with the tools I will need to face those unexpected hurdles.

As D says, I've been practicing for a marathon and now it's time to race.

There were many Monday mornings that I did not want to get up and face the demons I had suppressed for so long, cause feeling gross sucks. (right, S?) But it's worth it. It was worth feeling like crap for a lot of weeks (maybe even months). It was worth questioning my every thought and motive. It was worth never feeling like I understood the world. It was worth coming to work every Monday morning with puffy eyes to sweet co-workers with tissues. It was worth it, because without it I would have never knew what I was capable of and who I really am.

I'm going to miss D, when it's all over. I'll probably cry and feel I lost a friend. But it was worth it.