Divorced parents

We told the kids this afternoon that we were getting divorced. Many have asked what the kids had thought this whole time. Well, they are kids and they didn't think anything other than their parents were separated.

We sat with them on the couch and told them how we loved them so much and that would never change. We told them that after almost a year of being separated we had come to a decision and that we were getting divorced. There were a lot of questions from Reece of course. Ryan... oblivious to what was being discussed tried to console his big brother.

I'm not sure what I thought would happen. What questions he would ask. He asked some tough ones and some predictable ones.

There's no "good" reason to get divorced just like there is no "bad" reason to get married... there are just reasons. Reasons that are never going to make sense to an 8 year old who sees this world as whole and good.

He's laying down right now and I can hear him sobbing... he's tired, filled with anxiety and "grossness". These are the times I wish he were tiny again, when all he needed to feel better was the rhythm of my heartbeat and the smell of my skin.

This one belongs to God. This is so big and so ugly that I know I will never have the right words to fill the hole we've just created in his heart. It's God's to fill because I'm imperfect and weak. I pray that Reece and Ryan both stop and listen long enough to find comfort in the rhythm of God's heartbeat and the smell of His skin.