Tough questions

You ask the toughest questions ever. I wish I could get into your head and see how it all works in there.

You ask me if I am keeping something from you. I answer that I always tell you the stuff that is most important for you to know. You seem ok with that but you ask me if I would answer your question, you hesitate, afraid I will lie to you. I've never lied to you before but you seem unsure.

Finally you say "What was her name? The girl dad kissed? What did she look like?" Ugh.

My mind pulls a memory from last June, while I was driving you to summer camp, you said "I know why you and Daddy might get divorced. Daddy kissed a girl." I looked straight ahead trying to catch my breath. "Why do you think that, buddy?" I asked. You answer simply "Because God says divorce is ok if that happens and your heart is broken Mom. So that must be what happened."

So here we are. Back to those big ugly questions. I can't tell you what I know because its not going to help. So I ask you "Why do you want to know?". You roll over towards me and stick your head under my chin "Because he got a call from a girl this weekend and he said he didn't want to talk to her. Was it that girl?" I can answer this one with confidence, "No. It wasn't that girl." You are quiet for a moment. "Oh. Don't tell him I asked... ok?"

Peanut, I sure wish I could answer all of your big complicated questions but it's not going to help you understand any of this. I wish that I could tell you that not all daddies do this and that trying to figure it all out isn't going to make you feel any better.

I pray that you will heal, just like I am. There will be plenty of scars left, baggage, but I pray that God will take that and turn it into something beautiful. I know He is going to use this and make it good for you, He always does.