No regrets

I feel a mixture of emotions. Great, indifferent, sad...

I'm glad I said what I said after the hearing. I do not regret marrying him. These last 11 years were a blessing and I would not be who I am today without the experiences I've had. Good times, bad times - they made me who I am today... how can I regret that?

I met with D this morning and we discussed my feelings (cause... in case you ever wonder... that's what you talk about in therapy... a lot.). I'm in such a different place right now. We talk about the "new" Renee and the "old" Renee. The "old" me made decisions on the look good/feel good and those decisions were always rushed. The decisions were made quickly in order to avoid really looking into the actual motive. Now I'm making decisions based on the right and good. Those decisions are made carefully and with a lot of prayer and thought. They aren't based on what feels right but what is right for me.

I share with D that there are so many people I want to apologize to for giving them advice based on the "shoulds" of life. "You should do this because..." is a phrase I would often say. I've learned that shoulds are ridiculous and drain you. There are no shoulds in life... there are only choices. Shoulds take away choices and when the choices are gone we are stuck.

It feels good to be in this place. A new life. A new start. A new day.