Falling into faith

Easter is just around the corner and not only am I more focused on Christ's sacrifice for all of us, as unworthy as we are but I think about His mother and her journey through this all.

I find myself questioning how strong my faith would be in the face of my child's suffering. Mary knew, as do I, that we can't protect our kids from all of life's tribulations. It's hard enough to let go and to let them stumble when they make mistakes, but it's even harder to watch kids suffer at the hands of someone else, whether it be a school bully or thoughtless adult.

I remember once I took the kids to the pool and we were all playing when Reece accidentally ran into a little boy. Reece quickly apologized but the boy immediately turned around and stuck out his chest and patted it with his hands... he was ready to fight. I caught it and looked at him sternly and said "He apologized! Don't be ridiculous. It was an accident." And the little boy looked down towards the water and swam away. I had never felt an adrenaline rush like that before. I am non-confrontational, even with kids... so that was something new to me. I quickly realized that this is was the "Mama Bear" coming out of me.

I say all this thinking about how Mary must have felt watching her son be beat, tormented, spit on, essentially ripped apart before having to carry a cross to his imminent death. She watched on knowing that this was what was all for a greater purpose. Her son's suffering was going to save the tormentors, bullies, from hell. This was God's plan. But she was human. She must have felt the adrenaline run through her body. She must have felt immense pain in her heart. She had to not only lean, but fall into faith and believe, truly believe, that God would save their son. She had to fight the adrenaline, the need to protect.

I wonder... have I ever really fallen into faith? Have I ever really truly let go and do I fully understand that God has my very best interest at heart even when it doesn't seem like it. Have I put my entire life into his hands and completely let down my guard so that He could truly show me all that He has planned for me, for us? Have you?