It's just like labor

I told D this morning that I am feeling more confident in my decisions, where I'm headed and that when I have an opinion, these days I'm not afraid to voice it. I am a lot less concerned about what my family and friends have to say about my choices, my life. I feel like I am a better parent, friend and all around better person because of this new "me". I tell her... I know what it is. I have, after 9 months of therapy, found my foundation. I'm honest with her, there are days I don't stand on it as firmly as I should, but I can always pull myself back on it a lot faster than before.

She asks how this all came about. She's noticed a change in the past few weeks, a really radical change. I explain that it's not one certain thing. It's a culmination of various things. The book we're reading together (TrueFaced), the hard stinkin' work I've put into therapy, applying and re-applying the things I'm learning, the constant questions and thoughts going through my mind on the reasons for my actions and my motives. It's exhausting, I tell her, but just like labor - it's worth it.

I'm not perfect and the thing is... for the first time in my life, I don't want to be. I'm never going to get it right and I'm not going to waste my energy trying. I'm going to accept me the same way God does, with a whole lot of grace. I know He loves me just the way I am. That regardless of the mistakes I've made and am sure to continue to make, that He will continue to love me all the same.

I'm not going to give up on anything, instead I'm currently working on some goals for my life as well as defining more clearly who I am. It's going to take some time and I'm ok with that. I don't have to have all the answers today... or next year... or ever!