We don't do secrets

When I was pregnant with my Peanut, I worked with a gentleman who was a foster parent (Godly man, great all around guy). He and his wife took in children with special needs; physical, mental, etc...

I am not sure how we got on this subject but he said that as he took this classes for foster care, one thing really stuck out for him. He said that the teacher said that we, as parents, should discourage secrets. Always.

He explained to me that secrets harbor shame or badness. Secrets are what people (adults or other kids) tell kids to keep, when they know what they are doing is wrong. Secrets are never a healthy thing to hold.

But of course there are fun things that need to be kept on the down low for a short time (birthday gifts, parties, etc) So in those circumstances we ask our kids to keep it a "surprise" instead - because surprises mean that others will find out and they are fun, exciting things.

Surprises are good, secrets are bad.

And that's how I've spent the last 12.5 years of parenting...

In our home, we don't do secrets. In our home, we talk about anything and everything. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the awkward (and the really, really awkward).

It's been an interesting past few years because as the kids get older, they ask a lot more questions, they share more about their friends, they want to know about things that sometimes I get uncomfortable about (and it takes a lot for the kids to make me squirm!).

It's not to say that we tell our kids every.single.thing about what is going on in our own lives. If they have a more "grown up" question, either we answer, or we tell them it's a question we can answer when they are 25 (or in a couple of years or whatever). So no, we aren't going to keep a secret from them, but there are things their little heads and hearts are not ready to process.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately... I will always be so grateful to Tony for sharing with me this parenting tip.