The ripple effect

I think this is where the rubber meets the road.

We're talking 401k splits, where he'll live long term. How our childcare will work out through the summer and work schedule changes to make it all work. I'm a mess.

For 7 months I've been busying my mind with getting things in order and focusing on my healing. I've been plugging away and praying that the choice I make is the right one. We've talked this subject to death and in the end I chose divorce. I can't go through this again. I can't let my heart be stepped on over and over again. I know he doesn't want to do those things. I know he's hurting. Crap this sucks.

I haven't thought all that much about contacting a lawyer or trying to work out the details of divorce and now it's time. It's time to grieve the "never will be's"; family vacations, sharing in the ups and downs of parenting, identical memories of the children growing up, having him there to share about my day, living out the mundane with the man I promised to do that very thing with almost 11 years ago. I'm greiving.

This entire thing is based on one choice with thousands of ripple effects. I hate those ripple effects, they change everything.

" Just when you feel like it's over, just when you think you are down, someone comes along, picks you up and dusts you down; then you realize that the person who picked you up is your own hope and faith."