Do you ever have one of those dreams when something really bad is happening and you're screaming and screaming but no sound comes out of your mouth? You try and try and you know this horrible thing is coming after you but nothing happens?
That's where I am. I'm doing all kinds of things to get a result that I can't seem to obtain. I'm struggling. I'm struggling with parenting. Specifically parenting my preschooler. He is such an adorable, sweet, intelligent little boy. He gives awesome hugs and kisses. He's a snuggler. He loves to be with people. He's a challenge.
When he reached 5, I could only see smooth sailing from there... The ridiculous tantrums had stopped, his mood swings had subsided, he was really fun to be around. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't perfect, but he was a perfectly great 5 year old. But... these last couple of weeks have left me feeling drained. He still has these really sweet fun moments but then they are overshadowed by these crazy unreasonable ones.
I'm one of those mama's who can take quite a bit, but then when I'm all out of patience, I'm done. I'm really done. And when I'm done everyone pays for it. Everyone gets my grumpiness. I have nothing left to give. That's where you can find me. At the end of the aisle right next to "frustrated" and "out-of-ideas".
My sweet, amazing little man will be an amazing lawyer someday. I don't worry about him mixing with the wrong crowd because he's his own leader. And he'd like to lead us all... right now. The tantrums have been replaced by random unconvincing crying whenever he doesn't get what he wants, followed up with whining, with the main course being arguing over whatever I say. Oh, and of course topped off with inappropriate words/actions... cause you know, it just wouldn't be complete without total mama embarrassment.
I can't seem to find that one thing (cause you know it's there) that will get him to listen to me, really listen and understand me. I've tried it all. But I obviously haven't. Maybe I haven't tried one thing long enough. Maybe I'm a push over (ok, I know I can be). Maybe it's a new phase. Maybe he just likes to see me frustrated. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.
What do I know for sure? That I am in love with this little guy and I want to see him succeed. I want to raise him to be a God loving and fearing man.
"and you and your children and grandchildren must fear the Lord your God as long as you live. If you obey all his decrees and commands, you will enjoy a long life." ~Deuteronomy 6:1-3
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