3 kinds

I'm a little crazy with the whole new year thing.

I've started lists of things I want to do in 2012... meals, experiences, attitude, weight loss, my physical health, organization, etc...

But in the end I've decided on doing three "kinds". I can't get bogged down with a list of unattainable goals. Three might just be pushing it, but they are three I believe will move me forward and are necessary elements to a well rounded and full life.

In 2012, I will work to be kind to myself physically, mentally and spiritually:

• I will nourish my body with good foods, I will go to bed when I'm tired, I will find fun ways to be more physically active.
• I will nourish my mind with good thoughts, I will laugh more, love deeper and forgive more easily.
• I will nourish my soul with our Lord. I will pursue a deeper relationship with Him. I will further seek to understand His Word and His will for me.

Being kind to myself will be a bit more of a challenge but I know in order to give more of myself, I need to be more to myself.

Happy New Year!

7 days of stickers and some gentle reminders

In my earlier post, I was at my wits end with some pretty ugly preschool behavior. I cried, ranted and blogged about my frustrations. What's a mama to do?

Come up with yet another way to get him to obey... at least for a while.

My little monkey was invited to the party for his "best friend" from preschool. He loves this kid. Has been talking about going to his birthday for months (before there was even a party planned). Last week he got it. The invitation.

I told him I was super excited he was invited! And that in order to go to parties, big boys needed to show good behavior so... if he could get 7 stickers in a row (one sticker for each day of good behavior), the he could go. If not... then he'd have to miss it. So we started out with two really good days with manners oozing everywhere and sweet words filling our home and then... the lack of self control crept back into our lives. So... 2 days without stickers. Boo. But then, after counting down the days to the party and being reminded of the party and of how many days were left... he did it! We are the proud owners of a calendar with 9 stickers on them and 7 of them are in a row! 

Sure we had days during those 7 days where we had to remind our monkey of a certain party, but that's to be expected! I don't want perfection, I just don't want to be yelled at.

Have I gotten rid of the bad behavior for good? Nope. Am I on to something? Maybe...

Power Rangers

Last Saturday morning, I laid on the couch in a very groggy state watching Power Rangers Samurai with my Monkey. He's an early riser that one... Anyway, we're snuggling on the couch watching Power Rangers and the episode reminded me of my faith.

Yes.

Faith.

More specifically, what we can do if we all were more like the Power Ranger Samurais.

You see the Power Rangers are great ninjas but it's only when they come together and create this robot (put themselves in it or some magic thing happens, not too sure), using their special skills, can they really defeat the big bad (really) ugly monsters.

The Power Rangers reminded me that I can make a difference for Christ on my own. But I can make a bigger difference when I align myself with people who are fighting the same fight as I am. Who's goals and objectives are my goals and objectvies. And who have a very clear view of what that big bad (really) ugly monster looks like and is capable of.
For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them. ~Matthew 18:20

Judging me, judging you

For the past few weeks I've had this sense that I needed to read Romans... not quite sure which part, but what was clear was that I needed to pick up my Bible and read it. I've been lazy... but I did it last night. I skimmed through trying to figure out what in the world I was supposed to read and then... there it was in Romans 2:

God’s Righteous Judgment

1 You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. 2 Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. 3 So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? 4 Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?

I read the rest of Romans 2, but I re-read this specific paragraph over and over again. I was drawn by the words, by the examples - by the lesson.

I learned a lot about myself in therapy but one of the best things was when I was struggling with what people thought about my current situation, my past, present and future choices and D said "If you feel judged... it's because you are judging." I did not and do not like feeling judged but what was most troubling was realizing that I was doing some judging too. When D and I talked about this, I made a choice right then and there that I was going to make a serious effort not to judge and when I found myself doing it, I'd question my motives.

Easier said than done. Non-judgemental behavior takes more than just making a choice (although that's a great step), it's about creating a solid foundation for yourself based on your values and not stepping down from that. Judging others is putting yourself in a position that is superior to others.

Do I think I'm better than you? No... but sometimes my insecurities will get the best of me and I'll rationalize I'm ok by making you not ok.

By standing firm on my foundation (Christ), your choices, your behaviors aren't crazy ridiculous to me. I respond to them with my heart rather than my head. I accept your goofy failures just the way God accepts mine. I accept your point of view and thank you for having me look at things with a different perspective rather than dismiss your thoughts and ideas, just the way God accepts mine. I'll love you through the roller coaster you call life, the way God carries me through mine.

Mama breakdown

Do you ever have one of those dreams when something really bad is happening and you're screaming and screaming but no sound comes out of your mouth? You try and try and you know this horrible thing is coming after you but nothing happens?

That's where I am. I'm doing all kinds of things to get a result that I can't seem to obtain. I'm struggling. I'm struggling with parenting. Specifically parenting my preschooler. He is such an adorable, sweet, intelligent little boy. He gives awesome hugs and kisses. He's a snuggler. He loves to be with people. He's a challenge.

When he reached 5, I could only see smooth sailing from there... The ridiculous tantrums had stopped, his mood swings had subsided, he was really fun to be around. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't perfect, but he was a perfectly great 5 year old. But... these last couple of weeks have left me feeling drained. He still has these really sweet fun moments but then they are overshadowed by these crazy unreasonable ones.

I'm one of those mama's who can take quite a bit, but then when I'm all out of patience, I'm done. I'm really done. And when I'm done everyone pays for it. Everyone gets my grumpiness. I have nothing left to give. That's where you can find me. At the end of the aisle right next to "frustrated" and "out-of-ideas".

My sweet, amazing little man will be an amazing lawyer someday. I don't worry about him mixing with the wrong crowd because he's his own leader. And he'd like to lead us all... right now. The tantrums have been replaced by random unconvincing crying whenever he doesn't get what he wants, followed up with whining, with the main course being arguing over whatever I say. Oh, and of course topped off with inappropriate words/actions... cause you know, it just wouldn't be complete without total mama embarrassment.

I can't seem to find that one thing (cause you know it's there) that will get him to listen to me, really listen and understand me. I've tried it all. But I obviously haven't. Maybe I haven't tried one thing long enough. Maybe I'm a push over (ok, I know I can be). Maybe it's a new phase. Maybe he just likes to see me frustrated. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

What do I know for sure? That I am in love with this little guy and I want to see him succeed. I want to raise him to be a God loving and fearing man.

"and you and your children and grandchildren must fear the Lord your God as long as you live. If you obey all his decrees and commands, you will enjoy a long life." ~Deuteronomy 6:1-3

It's your birthday!

It's your birthday! Woohoo!

You're officially, once again, 11 years older than me! I just know how you love birthday celebrations and making a fuss over things so I wasn't going to ignore your big day!

For your birthday I've decided to list out the 42 reasons I appreciate and love you.

1. You are honest (maybe a little too much sometimes!)
2. You are a really great dad.
3. You smell nice.
4. You are a hard worker.
5. You love Jesus.
6. You do laundry.
7. You provide for our family.
8. You listen and value my opinion.
9. You respect me.
10. You love the boys.
11. Your handsome.
12. You accept me the way that I am.
13. You make me laugh.
14. You're frugal (yes... I love that about you!).
15. You have a really good heart.
16. You're humble.
17. You're a good kisser.
18. You challenge the way I think.
19. Your satisfaction with life.
20. You take care of the car stuff.
21. You are a fabulous check book balancer.
22. You amuse me when you sing... and play air "instruments". ha!
23. You ask me what matches and what doesn't. (it's cute!)
24. You strive to be better every day.
25. You love me.
26. You are easy to talk to.
27. You're easy going.
28. The way you play with Marley - it's the cutest thing.
29. The way you talk about your mom.
30. That you talk to me about feelings, even when you really would rather not.
31. You have extremely awesome hygiene.
32. You're faithful.
33. You kiss me every night before I fall asleep.
34. You eat what I cook. :)
35. You tell me I'm beautiful.
36. You support my ideas/projects.
37. You've got my back.
38. The funny way you come up with silly nicknames for me.
39. The sound of your voice.
40. Your willingness to try new things for and with me.
41. The utter happiness I feel when I'm with you.
42. Your smile.

I love you B. I love you completely.
Can't wait to see the new ink.
~Marie