I just had lunch with a friend... I feel I can say "friend" now because she now knows a lot about my junk and that to me means, she's a part of my story.
As we talked, we got deep into our junky past. My heart is filled with a bit of anxiety. That stuff is hard to re-live but re-living it is really the only way to work through it. As we talked, I realized that that part of my life seems foggy. My memories are alive and clear, but I can now see that my life was lived in a fog of that made my reality.
A reality that I forced to be true in order to find a good solid normal. Looking back, I can see the triggers, but during that journey it all seemed ok. I was a mouse in a maze and my maze was good... until it wasn't.
I'd like to think that now my life is clear and bright but I know it's still just a fog and... in ten years I will look back again and see my mistakes. See my reality in a different way. A more mature, more peaceful way. I will see the off ramps I could have taken and didn't, I will understand my consequences, and I will cherish the lessons.
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