Unfairly fair

There are many days that bring me right back there.

Therapy.

What I learned, what I still needed/need to work on, what I still struggle with.
It's like any addiction isn't it?

Control.

My need for it. My fear without it. My comfort in it.

It's not like it used to be. It's not over everything or everyone... I have grown in that sense. It's more control over schedules. Life is so busy crazy and I don't want to miss a thing. I want to relish in it, swim through it and enjoy every single moment of it.

I want to do that knowing that things will happen just the way they were planned.

Life.

That's the problem isn't it? It's not planned. It's not predictable. It's not a pattern. There's more than just me who gets to control the family calendar and that.is.not.fair.

Not Fair.

It's not. D said it to me numberous times. It wasn't fair yesterday, it's not fair today and it won't be fair tomorrow. It doesn't matter the amount of communicating, understanding, loving, and pleading I do. I can't make it happen.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~ Jeremiah 29:11