Fear

A year ago today, I filed for divorce.

I walked out of my lawyer's office feeling relief. Now and then it makes me cringe... feeling relief about doing something I know God hates. I rest in the assurance that God forgives, loves, and understands my heart.

I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. The past three years had been filled with heartache, painful conversations, confusion over past betrayals and uncertainty of the true foundation of our marriage. I was scared to stand up for myself and he was scared to be the person God called him to be.

Fear. Fear will eat you whole. Fear will let you believe lies. Fear will permanently freeze your heart. Fear will hold you back from God's plan for your life. Fear. A four letter word that has incredible power.

I walked out of that office choosing to accept the grace, hope, and love of my heavenly Father.

Living in fear for so long... more years than I can remember makes choosing Godly grace, hope and love a daily effort. Choosing to open myself up again, to allow someone into my heart, to see me... the real me, can be challenging. Challenging, but no longer driven by fear.