I know people don't mean it because I say things all the time without thinking -- I like to call it "word vomit". Anyway, still... it makes me wonder how many things I've said that I didn't really think about before saying.
As I was leaving for lunch yesterday I walked out with a work acquaintance. I asked how her Christmas shopping was going and she was obviously having a hard time in her marriage right now and it came down to money and spending habits. Ok, I got that. I sympathized. Money is a HUGE issue and she looks over at me and she says "Sometimes I wish I was in your situation. I mean, I don't know the details but it's an easy out, right?" I was speechless. Like I said before, I've had two others tell me the exact thing. That they wished they had been betrayed by their husband because it seems like an easy out.
Ok. I get that. But still. It hurts. It's not an easy out - if it were, I would have been out a long time ago. It's complicated, it's heart wrenching, it's physically and emotionally exhausting. It makes you re-think every single detail of your life, analyze what could have gone wrong, how it went wrong and how much of that wrong is going to stay wrong. It changes who you are as a person. I will never again be the same person I was the moment before these betrayals and that is unfair.
In light of that elevator conversation mentioned above, I'd like to say "If I have ever (and we all know that I have) hurt you with word vomit, I am truly, deeply sorry. Your hurts are real and not like anything anyone would ever want or understand, because they are yours and yours alone."
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