Have to vs. I do

I saw D this morning - it is Monday after all. What a great way to start the week. Sobbing in a therapist's office. Gotta love it!

Alright, but here I was trying to figure out what in the world I'm supposed to say. Trying to stop my regular talk and start learning this new way of talking/thinking in order to make these thoughts in my head make more sense.

I finally identify a "part", the part that never is happy with me. She's a downer that one. She wants me to get it all right, all the time. Ain't gonna happen - I know that but she pushes hard. Then D repeats something she said last week: Instead of saying/thinking "To be a a good mom I have to xyz". I should be saying/thinking, "I am a good mom, and because of this I do xyz." Wow!!! It's a paradigm shift. It's using my strengths to strengthen me. That thought, that new way of thinking, lifts a weight off my shoulders. This isn't just about parenting for me, it's about everything. I am a good daughter because I do xyz. I am a good friend because I do xyz. And the beauty of it all is that I don't have to add more things to my to-do list. I'm simply taking what I have, my gifts and identifying them in my life. I'm not going to stop growing as a person but I am going to stop beating myself up for the "have to's" I can't reach.

So maybe bawling for an hour was worth it today... I am a good patient because I do the work away from the office! :o)