Surrender

While driving yesterday a song came on the radio that I absolutely love. A Christian song. And for the life of me I can't remember what it was. But it doesn't matter now. 

As I listened to the words, I concentrated on their meaning. I became overwhelmed with a feeling I have had just a few other times in my life. This overwhelming feeling of love... Of God. Words can't describe it. I sobbed. All at once. From nowhere. My throat filled with sobs and my eyes followed with tears. 

As I sobbed I tried to make sense of what was happening and like that... It was gone. 

As I pulled into the Target parking lot, wiping my tears, I wanted that feeling back. I didn't enjoy it. While I was trying to think it through, process it, I didn't take the time to enjoy it. Cherish it. 

I didn't take the time for Him. Instead I was caught up in trying to figure it all. Figure Him out. 

What would it have been like if instead of fighting Him with my head, I would have surrendered to Him? What would it be like if I did that on a daily basis? On a moment by moment basis? If my head took a break and my heart lead my faith?

Connect

You know when you have a date with your husband and you reconnect in all kinds of different ways? Ways you forgot you needed to connect? Because life is taking you through a trial that keeps you on your knees, never really having a chance to catch each other's gaze?

We did it. We connected and boy did it feel good.
Both exhausted and probably wanting a nap more than seafood, we headed out on Friday night.

And.it.was.glorious.

Me and him. My man. My guy. My husband. Him and me.

We laughed and ate and held hands and listened to some great music. We talked about nothing and everything. About the silly and the serious. We were quiet. We walked around. But most of all. We connected.

He's mine. And I'm his. Love. Connect.

A lot

A lot has been going on these past few months. A lot.

So much I've wanted to share but I really couldn't... because my words and thoughts were not working together.

I have a group of women praying for me right now because the truth is, I'm hurting.

Some of the things going on are just plain yucky. Things are being said about B and I that aren't true and they are being said to someone we love very very much. And as much as we try to keep the record straight... it's been REALLY hard not to fight back and say mean things to defend ourselves.

So we don't.

We say nice things about the people saying mean things. We defend them. We pray for them. We try to understand them. And we pray some more.

"If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them." Luke 6:29

That is HARD! I want truth. I crave truth. And it's hard when truth is not being shared. 

That's really all I'm going to say about it. Please pray for me. For us (all of us). Direction, peace, love, and resolution.

12.

This year has been a year of growth for you. Everything seemed like a push to "young adulthood". My mind spins with the moments we've shared this past year that wrecked my heart while building your maturity and growth.

It's been a good year. A big year.

A year where I see God's hand in your life. His plan taking shape.
I see your mind better understanding the world around you. I see your heart learning to love in different ways. I see your soul trying to understand the world beyond this one.

Our conversations are quite interesting(night time chat about insurance and banks loans!), your passions are more pronoucned (football, recycling, child labor laws)... you are becoming intense and grown up. It is unreal.

But then... all at once... it's all very real. I love it. I love the challenging conversations and the sweet moments that I share with you.

Watching you grow is a priviledge. It is a priviledge to be a part of your life. It is a priviledge to be your mom.

You are an incredible young boy and I can't imagine this world without you in it.
You will change this world for the better. You will make a difference.

How do I know this?
Because you already have... mine.

Happy 12th birthday, Peanut.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
Je t'aime, Je t'aime, Je t'aime.
Mom
xo