Gulping it in

We giggled as we watched your expression, your laugh and your excited voice as we took off. You pointed everything out. The clouds, the turbulence, you slept, you talked, you watched. 

The hotel, the pool, the palm trees, the characters, the rides, the very sound sleep. It's all you. Your personality. Full throttle. Gulping it all in. 

You surprised me. You wanted to stop in on every single shop at the park. We weren't able to do them all but you were satisfied with what we saw. The ocean drew you in. The shells, the waves... You are inamored. 

Your little hand in mine... this little world we are exploring. I look forward to tomorrow. 

Taking the plunge

When she brought it up, I laughed it off. I am not exactly a risk taker. I do things in a very controlled manner. I like plans. I am Type A. 

But she asked. And she totally used the YOLO card and she said she wanted to do this thing with me. 

Yes. They all pretty much have me wrapped around their little finger. 

So, we did it. We put on the harnesses, we were lifted 300 feet and after she yanked the cord, we "flew". 

That's what the people who work there call it. Listen up, there's no flying... Well, not at first. At first you just fall. Fast. Towards the water. Together. And you scream. We did that a lot. One of us may have screamed longer than the other. 

And then the rope yanks you up and I guess you can consider that flying. You know... Once you stop praying to God for safety. 

We did. We dropped 300 feet together. We both walked away shaking, laughing and with a crazy new memory. One I will cherish forever. 

A unit

This might just be the happiest place on earth. Not so much because of Mickey and his pals but because of the place we're in. I'm in. 

We are exploring, growing, trying new things and laughing our way through our days. We are good. So good. 

Nearly two years ago we became a family and we have bonded. We are strong as the BK5. Our little family has become more than I expected. More than I could have dreamed possible. We are no longer blended but whole. 

Time away like this fortifies our bond. It renews our spirits both individually and as a unit. 

This is it. This is us. Blessed. 

One week of us

Just a few more sleeps and we get each other all to ourselves. No distractions. No work commitments, school work or activities to keep our days and evenings full. Just us. 

One week of "all about us". 

Words can't express how much my soul craves it, my heart thirsts for it and my mind needs it's rest. 

Us. Together. In a land of magic and dreams. Memories, giggles and exhaustion. 

Family vacation. 

Precious relationship

I just finished reading a book that wasn't all the great. It was kinda lousy. It was about two women who were best friends and their friendship through different stages of their lives. And it was real and raw.  I was kinda in the mood for fake and happily ever after, you know?

Anyway, it made me think of my bff. That girl is busy. And this girl is busy. Do you know what that equals? Lots of not seeing each other. She's a piece of my sanity. She's the one I can say WHATEVER to and she gets me. She totally gets my heart and she says exactly what I need to hear (whether I want to hear it or not!). She knows every single thing about me. She's the Thelma to my Louise, the Mary to my Rhoda, the peanut to my jelly... you get it...

Last week as I was reading through the book and I realized that there are different ways to stay connected to her without having to see her since right now it's just not going to happen as much as we both want it to. So I decided to send her a text every day about whatever. Sometimes it's a rant about something that's on my heart. Sometimes it's a picture of the inside of my fridge (we had an exuberant amount of yogurt and I thought she'd get a laugh out of it... she did) and sometimes it's me sending her a pic of my office to tell her that I think of her everyday.

Because near or far, busy or not... this relationship is precious to me.

Privilege

I have noticed it these past few months. 

You have faced some hard lessons. Ones I had to let you learn. It ripped my heart but it had to be done. And you accepted them all. Every struggle you faced you took the time to "sit in it" and I walked away while you sorted it out.

We both knew you'd come talk to me when you were good and ready. When you were able to process the consequences. 

We talk, like always, about different choices you could have made.  I tell you that I love you. 

And, even after the hurt (self inflicted or not) you always acknowledge that you know that I allow things to happen so that you can grow. As you put it "that's your job, Mom". 

Not until you become a parent yourself  will you understand how truly terrifyingly beautiful that statement is. It is my job...And  there will be more (many I am sure) moments like the ones in the past months and I want you to know... this job of mine... It's a privilege I never want to take for granted. 

I love you, Peanut. 

And this too...

Thoughts running rampid. Too fast that it seems impossible to string them together and to create clear feelings. 

All of it jumbled up. 

I have so much to process but my head is filled with confusion, anxiety and resolve. 

Resolve. 

Because this too will end. 

Life will find its rhythm once more. 

Peace will once again reign in my head and heart. 

I can already feel it. Feel Him. His steady hand guiding me. His love enveloping my soul. His quiet and still voice reassuring my weary heart. 

And this too shall pass. 

Moments

It's after the kids are in bed and the day's chaos have been put away. It's in the dark when we lay next to each other, our breath slowing down. It's when he reaches over and put his hand on my hip. It's in that darkness when we whisper the thoughts that fill our mind. When we talk about His plan, when we share talk about nothing and everything. We talk about our lives, the kids, work, our worries and our joys. We talk about the ways we can do tomorrow better. It's my favorite moment with him.