Anxiety and me

I struggle with anxiety. It’s started about 8 years ago (give or take a year) and it doesn’t seem to be going away. I am prone to attacks during times of conflict… family conflict. Weird, huh? My own family doesn’t spark the fire that is “anxiety” because with them, I feel safe in control. We KNOW each other. We’ve been through crap together… lots of it and I know this is the real deal. They aren’t going away and I’m not leaving. We’re in it.

Anxiety seems to strike when I feel like I can’t defend myself, like my heart isn’t being heard or it’s being all twisted into someone else’s false perception. It’s when I feel weak in the circumstance.

My body shakes. I get cold. Thoughts run through faster than I can process. So I pull my hands together and I pray. Lots. I pray the same words over and over again.

You are in control. Take it. It’s Yours. You are in control.

I’ve been seriously considering going back on some anxiety medicine that I took during my separation… with much thought and prayer I think for now, for me, I’ll continue to pray that God removes this struggle from my life and when it attacks my heart, I’ll continue to pray through it.

It IS His. It’s not mine to carry. He wants to carry it.

Colossians 1:28-29

So we tell others about Christ, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all the wisdom God has given us. We want to present them to God, perfect in their relationship to Christ. That’s why I work and struggle so hard, depending on Christ’s mighty power that works within me.