Bonus

I don't like the word stepdaughter. Or stepson. Or stepmother. Or stepfather. Or step-anything. I can't put my finger on it exactly but I just don't like the word. It might be too many movies where the "step" parent is the villain. Or maybe it's because no where in the Bible does God talk about a "step" parent. Maybe it's because the word, the responsibility is very foreign to me.

I'm about to be one, you know. A stepmother.

I'm really looking forward to starting this new chapter, this new life with B. I'm super duper excited to have A in my life forever. I've always wanted a daughter. In fact I was convinced I was having a girl when I was pregnant with my monkey - I was wrong. Anyway, A and I get along so well and she's as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside and I can't wait to be with her on a more permanent/regular basis.

On the flip side, I love the term "blended family". That's what we'll be - a blended family. We're blending two (very) different families into one God honoring family. It's really a beautiful thing. It's just the stinkin' word.  To me "stepdaughter" or "stepparent" sounds like a second class citizen, less important. And she's not. I love her. She's important to me. Very important.

So today, I've decided she won't be my stepdaughter. She's going to be my bonus daughter - cause getting a bonus is an awesome thing. And that's what she is. A bonus.

Women

On Tuesday nights I stand in a crowd of about 100 women. It's one of the most beautiful sights. The sun is slowly setting and the women are all standing in together, listening to our speaker who is telling us about different ways to get healthy, not skinny, just healthy.

I love to look at all these women, different shapes, not one of them is the same. I love that. I love that God created us all so differently. I love that as hard as I try, my body will never look like someone else's (naturally). I love that I can run along side these women and at that moment, we're all the same. It's not a competition but a place to find camaraderie. It's free of judgement. It's acceptance.

I'm not at a place where I completely accept my body, but I am going to accept myself and my self is imperfect and real.

Blending

Blending families. It's been on my mind quite a bit lately.

I don't like conflict or tension. Things that are bound to happen when we take two very different families, 5 very different people and we throw them together.

I worry about being fair. I worry about spreading the love around evenly. I worry about balancing marriage and kiddos. I worry about not having enough time for everyone. Actually, I'm worrying about the same things I worried about during my second pregnancy. I was petrified then, that my Peanut would feel left out or that I wouldn't love my new little Monkey as much. I worried that someone would feel hurt and left out. And it happened. Someone was hurt, schedules were shifted, and lives were completely flipped upside down in order to make room for another little blessing.

It's silly of me to worry about such things because I know things are not going to be perfect and that I can not mitigate conflict before it happens. I couldn't remove and worry away the chaos and challenges that we faced as a family with a new baby in the house and I won't be able to do it this time.

I will do the only thing I can do... fall to my knees.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matt 6:34