Learning

Being without my kids two weekends a month has been quite a learning experience for me. It's been positive in the sense that when I was/am alone, without them, I've had to really learn who I am as a woman, not just a mom. A lot of women have to learn this very quickly after their kids leave for college and sometimes that can be very difficult... I've been able to wade into this slowly.  This was something that really weighed heavily on me the first few months and, honestly, I still struggle with it at times. Who am I when there aren't little ones needing me?

But I wasn't prepared for this new little experience.

I'm beginning to realize that there are plenty of things I did as a wife that I can not do as a girlfriend. I haven't dated in a very long time... actually I was married longer than I dated, so the wife thing, it's pretty natural to me.  The girlfriend thing, not so much.

These things I think about doing aren't things I would think twice about doing if I was married but as a girlfriend I tend to see this invisible line... in therapy term "boundary" that I don't think I want to cross. I don't think it would be horrible to cross it but I want to be respectful towards B and others involved (including kids, ex's, friends, family).

So I'm learning. I'm learning to be patient and to let things roll out the way they will. I'm learning that as much as we are a part of each others' lives, we aren't in each other's lives. I'm learning the difference.

My year of therapy has helped me to look at all the situations that come into my life as a new learning opportunity. A time of growth. Taking time to look deep inside my soul and understanding who I really am. So after 7 1/2 months of dating... I think I'm figuring out this girlfriend thing.

Maybe.