I remember

I don't remember details about my childhood, but I remember lots of little things that, as an adult I can see were monumental in the person I am. In digging deeper into my memories, I can see that those memories have etched themselves in my head and steer my choices in how I behave, who I am.

I think about my kids and the memories they are forming.
What will they remember about their childhood?
What memories will they carry into their adult lives?
How will their past dictate their future?

I pray with my whole heart that they take my failures and my struggles as a human being, a child of God, and that they remember that I tried hard to be my best in the midst of uncertainty. That they load my parenting up with grace and mercy. That they take the hurts of their childhood and find peace and growth in them. That when they look on their childhood, they see the dozens of people who have loved them through their own hurts and brokeness. That they choose to cling to the giggles and sweet memories and let go of the sporadic sadnesses.

I remember when my mom would sit up in a corner in my room and have me rest on her, all night long, while I struggled with yet another asthma attack.
I remember when my dad drove all night long so that when I opened my eyes early in the morning I would find him next to my hospital bed, holding my hand.
I remember our house being open to everyone and it being filled with laughter and friends.
I remember going to the cottage every weekend, exploring islands and imaging a life secluded from the world.
I remember my parents being in my biggest champions.

I remember a childhood of love and I pray my children feel the same.

Family

I love this family.

I love those words.
I love the kiddo who says it.
I completely agree.

We love being together. We would rather be together than be apart.
That's pretty special, huh?

It might be just be a phase... it might not be.
I love us too.

Blessings and Choices

I am blessed.
I am so aware of my blessing and I am confident in the provider of my blessings.

There are times when B and I lay in bed at night talking about how completely undeserving we are of all the blessings we have.

It's not the talk of "stuff" that consumes our chatter but of the love we feel for one another, respect we have in our family, peace that fills the walls of our home and the hope we have in Christ.

We are still messy people with messy sins and an unending list of things we need to work on and I could get caught up in that. I could get caught up in the messiness and my failures and B's failures and our kids and their struggles.

My world fell apart and I don't have any false ideas that it won't again. I will pass through more low valleys and I will struggle and fall and fail and stink through it. But I will forever cling to His love and grace for me. Life is full of valleys. Low, low, low ones. Ones that make you question your every decision, but through each one of those, there's a lesson. There's a ray of sun, there's a hope like no other.

I will choose to live in the comfort of His arms and I will rest my head on His promises and I will choose my thoughts and I will choose my actions and I will choose Him and He will choose me.

Having hope will give you courage.
You will be protected and will rest in safety.
You will lie down unafraid,
and many will look to you for help.

Job 11:18-19

Sin Filled World

I'm not sure why terrorists feel the need to travel thousands of miles or find US traders to execute their plans of mass terror and death. We do that ourselves really well.

Don't they see that Americans kill Americans... all the time. Many. There were a total of 14,827 reported murder and non-negligent manslaughter cases in the U.S. in 2012.

I'm pretty sure that at the end of 2015, that number will be much higher.

When our wants become greater than our needs, we turn on each other.
When grace is easily accepted but not returned, our hearts grow cold.
When our entertainment is filled with messages of self and instant gratification, our minds grow numb.
When we push God out of everything that doesn't align with our selfish wants, our society becomes what it is.

This country wasn't the only thing based on Biblical principles, the world was. Who decided killing, stealing, adultery, violence, and more wasn't ok? When did the world decide those things were not ok? They haven't been since the start of humanity. Who told us, hid the truth in our heart? Our Savior did.
Without His Truth, without His guidance, everything is up for grabs.