Monkey Growth

I am enjoying you very much.

You are in this phase of growth where I see some glimpses of maturity, understanding, and patience... then there are times when it's back to the stomping, yelling, and slamming doors (which you've been trained to slowly close (correctly) 3 times for every 1 door slammed).

You make me laugh with your silly sense of humor.
You make up stories none of us can follow.
You love, love. love to snuggle with me.
You get excited about everything.
You like a plan... and the plan must be followed (hello, Type A).

You state things and follow it up with "Am I right, Mom?"
It really wouldn't matter what you say at this point because it's so stinkin' cute, I'd agree to just about anything.

You are getting to be so very independent.
You are going to leave on a church trip with your brother in a couple of weeks. It's overnight. OVERNIGHT.
I don't know who will have a harder time... me or you.

I'm learning that your love languages are time and touch. I'm working on providing you bunches of both.

I love you, Monkey.

Checking Out

I am slowly checking out... getting ready to check out.

2 weeks away.
Away from the busy.
Away from the schedules.
Away from the routine.
Away from the work.
Away from the chaos.
Away.

Checking out of reality and into a little piece of bliss.
I'm going home.

The same home where I grew up. The place where the spots where the floors creak are forever etched in my mind. The rooms where memories took place. The town where I created deep roots and deeper friendships.

This place. It's where I can breath. It's where I find my center. It's where I re-learn the lessons I've forgotten during my time away.

I am a small town girl.
I love the earth, the simple, the green and the beach...

Life List (update)!

I was chatting with a girlfriend after dinner the other night... we talked about goals and dreams and fears. I felt it was a great time to review my Life List and see how it was going... I posted this over 3 years ago. I realized I had a few things to scratch off!

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. ~ Mark Twain

Here are 62 things I'd like to do in my lifetime. Goofy, serious, or just plain crazy - it's my life and I only get to live it once.

1. Swim with dolphins
2. Visit every State (USA)...
3. ...and Province (Canada)
4. Spend some time under the Tuscan sun
5. Rock my grandchildren to sleep
6. Own a forever home
7. Scuba dive
8. Spend an entire summer in Wawa
9. Go to Disney World with the kiddos
10. Take a cruise
11. Create life
12. Throw a giant just-because party for my friends and family
13. Own an elephant's painting
14. Take a dance class
15. Take a "girlfriends only" trip
16. Get paid to do what I love
17. Refinish a piece of furniture
18. Make someone's dream come true
19. Experience Mardi Gras in New Orleans
20. Be able to see my abs
21. Take a photography class
22. Anonymously pay for some one's groceries
23. Witness a birth
24. Make pasta from scratch
25. Make and can jam
26. Teach my children to be Godly people
27. Fly my nephews here for an entire summer
28. Write a book
29. See a Broadway show
30. Have my favorite scriptures memorized
31. Attend a Country Living Antique Fair
32. Grow/maintain a vegetable garden
33. Spend 3 months doing missionary work abroad
34. Lead someone to Christ
35. Lead a "green" life
36. Take one shopping trip that mimics the people from "Extreme Couponing"
37. See a professional ballet performance
38. Learn to surf
39. Visit the holy land
40. Climb an active volcano
41. Ride in a hot air balloon
42. Inspire someone
43. Visit the Grand Canyon
44. Learn to make pottery
45. Get a college degree
46. Build a Habitat for Humanity Home
47. Be an extra in a movie
48. Consistently send birthday cards to my loved ones + on time
49. Skinny dip in an ocean
50. Ride on a sail boat
51. See Bon Jovi in concert
52. Understand politics
53. Do a somersault on a trampoline
54. Love to wear swimsuits
55. Have an office/craft room
56. Run a half marathon
57. Go on an African safari
58. Write an article for a magazine
59. Retire comfortably
60. Live as a vegetarian for 1 month
61. Speak at a Christian women's event
62. Do the rip cord at an amusement park

Perception

There's what I think of me and what you think of me.
My perception. Your perception.

I like to think that mine is correct but there are times I truly hope I'm wrong.

I'm not sure if it's a coincidence or if I'm just taking more time to truly listen but I've heard from a few people on how they see me. Not that I've asked them point blank (heaven knows it would bring me to tears if everyone was straight up crazy honest), but in passing. Words. Thoughts.

It makes me wonder how the rest of my acquaintances, friends, family see me... Am I ok with their perception? Do I think it's accurate? And if it's not... how have my actions and words influenced that perception?

Keep Making Me

You know that one song that you listen to over and over again and when it comes on the radio, you turn up the music as loud as you can and sing with all your might? Well... my current favorite is Keep Making Me by the Sidewalk Prophets.

Make me broken
So I can be healed
'Cause I'm so calloused
And now I can't feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken

Make me empty
So I can be filled
'Cause I'm still holding
Onto my will
And I'm completed
When you are with me
Make me empty

'Til You are my one desire
'Til You are my one true love
'Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me

Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
'Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
'Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me
Make me lonely

I love this song. I love the words, I love the meaning and I love what it does to my heart.
And it scares the crap out of me.

To grow in Him, I have to be broken and that is not a fun place to be. But that's what I'm asking when I sing/worship. I want to be closer to Him and I need to be struggling to turn around and look frantically for my Father. I do. I'm so imperfect and human...

I asked myself the other day if I truly meant it. Do I want to be broken?
I have been broken before... a few times. And it was ugly.
Do I want to be stripped of me? My securities, the things that make me, me?
It's scary. It's not fun. Growing pains, feelings of inadequacy and... hope, love, comfort. Him.

Do I want to be broken?
Yes.
I want more. More for me, more for my relationship with Him. More for my family. I want to be broken so that I can be whole. And so I pray for this. That the world breaks me so He can heal me. So that He truly is my one and only desire.

Lord, please keep making me.