teaming up to raise 'em up

I recently took a class through work on how to build effective teams. I really enjoyed the class and learned a lot from it from a professional stand point… but I also learned a lot from it personally. As I sat in the class I realized that this really applies to all kinds of life situations and I related it to co-parenting specifically.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again (and again and again and again), divorce solves absolutely nothing, especially when children are involved. Sure the marriage struggles are over but they have then morphed into a different kind of struggle. There is no time to let the dust settle because there are children that have been placed in a situation they never asked to be and it’s our responsibility to lessen the impact, to make life for them as “normal” as possible and it’s tough when your lives are headed in two different directions.

It’s hard enough to parent these little guys when you are married, but when you are divorced and the love you feel for one another is very different, it’s hard to team up and do it right. Interestingly enough, I just had a lunch meeting with the boys’ dad to go over summer plans, any communication issues we may have been struggling with and just an overall “team building”. In the corporate world, like the “real world”, we have a lot of different means of communication; IM, email, conference call, but the most effective is definitely face to face interaction and I felt that bi-annually (at a minimum), it’s important for him and I to touch base. It’s important for the boys to know that we are a team regardless of our marital status. And with all that, I learned some important tools that not only apply to co-parenting but relationships in general.

To have an effective co-parenting relationship you really need to have:

·         Trust

·         Shared Vision

·         Effective Communication

Trust

1.       Listen, cooperate, support and respect

2.       Decisions are based on facts, not personalities

3.       Conflict is managed effectively

Trust occurs when people’s behaviors match their intent.- that’s a pretty impacting statement, isn’t it?!

Shared Vision

Develop a vision for the team based on the goal; in this case that would be the kiddos and developing that can be heard if your values don’t match. Like anything else, compromise is a must!

Effective Communication

1.       Candor is the norm

2.       Members are kept informed

3.       Roles and responsibilities are well defined (we’re a team; let’s figure out what everyone’s doing!)

4.       Have a code of team conduct (y’all know what that means!)

5.       Effective meetings (with a purpose and stay focused)

Isn’t this all crazy, true, and applicable?! I did learn lots and lots of things professionally and I’ll apply it in my manager position but I’m super excited to be able to apply it personally too. I'll continue to meet with the boys dad, to over communicate, to do more listening than talking and to continually think of our team's goal rather than my own.