Growth

In the last few weeks I have been feeling more and more like myself.

I really didn't notice it until last weekend when I was headed to church and I was excited. Don't get me wrong. I love my church. I love our pastors and the teachings. I love the people and their hearts. But in the past couple of years since S left, I've been struggling to find my place again.

She was my place. We aren't only best friends, but a real team. We are, not to sound incredibly cheesy, but... "one". And after she and her family left to attend a different church (best decision they made for themselves) I felt stranded.

I didn't know what to do without her. Everything I tried to do felt wrong. And the church administration reorganized leaving me to try and understand this new structure and again, my role in it.

New people to volunteer with and new hearts to understand. Nope. Wasn't ready for any of if. Her departure hurt. As happy I was happy for her, I wasn't at peace with it.

Then just last week I checked out her church's VBS setup. I saw her in her new element. I saw her introduce me to some cool people and it felt right. I liked these people. And I liked that they loved and appreciated her so much.

I was thinking about all this on that Sunday morning as I drove to church - I realized that I had been really enjoying my new roles in the church. I am enjoying my new friendships and these new experiences.

Had she stayed, our gifts wouldn't reach as many because they were... In a sense wasted. Now instead of focusing on one group of people we brainstorm about both churches. We compare, make notes, suggest. It's a pretty awesome thing.

Do miss serving with S? More than you know. I really don't think that the hole will ever be filled again. We have our own language, read each other's mind, love each other despite our faults. Let me tell you, that makes for an incredible event planning team. But better than that - it makes for the bestest of friends.

He had it all planned out and through our pain and confusion, we grew, we loved and we became a brighter light for Him.