6 years

6 years today I met you at a dodgy Mexican restaurant. A half way mark for both of us.
We've been meeting like that for 6 years now. 

Meeting half way in dating, marriage, parenting, friendship.

It seems like a lot less time and a lot more all at once.

I was so nervous that night.
Not sure what to think.
Dating with kids was a completely new concept.
Dating. Broken and dating. Great combo.

But you listened. And you laughed. And you stared. 
You.
Great smile. Easy laugh. Smelled delicious.Great date.

When we met outside the restaurant, you hugged me. I knew then and there that you were genuine by the way you held me. The feel of your back through your shirt. Weird that I remember that.

Leaving was a bit awkward. A hug. And back for a kiss. Perfect.
You were a great date 6 years ago and you continue to be.
I love you, B. xo

Good Enough

It's deep within me.

I know where the words stem. 

I know His words are more important than the ones that tend to fill my head these days.

I know He loves me just as I am. 

But the other's words are strong. Pounding. 

No matter what.
I'm not good enough.

I can work harder, be nicer, serve more, love more, forgive more, be more fun... more... 

I will never be good enough.

his words hurt.

he's right.

I will never be good enough.

That's why He came. For me. I know His truths. I know what He says about me.

I am God's child.Galatians 3:26

I am Jesus' friend.John 15:15

I am God's Incredible work of art.Ephesians 2:10

I am totally and completely forgiven.1 John 1:9

I am created In God's likeness.Ephesians 4:24

I am the salt of the earth.Matthew 5:13

I am the light of the world.Matthew 5:14

I am greatly loved.Romans 5:8

I know those truths and the many others written in His word.

So why do I get sucked back into Satan's? Why do I act like a 5 year old and wallow in my "I can do this by myself!" attitude just to end up overwhelmed and feeling less than good? Why must I meet everyone's need to appease my weary soul? Why? Because when I do His will, Satan steps in and tries to shake my soul with lies that strike a chord.

It's at this time that my anxiety is at it's highest. When the words "No" have trouble making there way to my mouth. No means I'm too weak to do it. No means I'm failing. No means he's right. No means I'm not good enough.

And so I "do"more to work my head back to "good enough".

Every single freaking time.

I spent over a year in therapy and here I am again. Not good enough.

I fell off my grounded identity. Again.

I'm back to it, God. I'm back to You. I'm giving it back (although we both know that's just funny since I never had "it" in the first place). It's Yours. All of it. All of me. I can't be good enough, so I'm going to rest in being enough in You.

7

Today is my last day of 7, Month 3 - Possessions.

This month we were challenged to rid ourselves of 7 things every single day.
I didn't think I'd struggle with this one. I'm not a fan of "stuff" for the sake of "stuff".
So I dug in.

And I was challenged.
I have a thing with bowls. I know. Weird.
I love stacking bowls. Ceramic. Handmade looking.
Love. Love. Love them.
I have/had 4 sets in my kitchen. That I "use" (term used lightly).
I had a come to Jesus moment and... I got rid of two sets. It was hard. They are beautiful and in my head, soothing. But truth be told... I didn't use them. They were in a cabinet looking at me, taking room, and doing very little else. 

We have a huge stack of garage sale stuff in the basement (we went above and beyond the 7 per day), and the bowls are part of the stack. It's going to be hard to see them go but I'm sure they will make someone else super happy. Perfect condition. Lovely to look at. Well loved. Keeping things is selfish and just adds more chaos to an overly ridiculous life. This is good for my house and it's good for my soul.

This next month we are saying adios to technology/media.

Good bye:
1. Facebook
2. Instragram
3. Pinterest
4. TV
5. Internet (unless for work/school)
6. Snapchat
7. Podcasts

Hello:
1. Reading
2. Board Games
3. Resting in Him
4. Chatting
5. Painting (the house)
6. Sorting/pricing through the garage sale stuff
7. Walking

Moving forward! 3 months down, 4 to go!

Waves and the Lifeguard

B and I often talk about this season in our lives - the best years of our lives.

At this moment our season is surrounded by growth and changes. Our children are growing, we're experiencing new things with them (college tours, high school sign ups, multiplication flash cards). New things and growing things...

Our nieces and nephews are having babies. We are attending weddings and baby showers... and funerals. Friends and family are ill... some pass away while others survive to see the next trial.

We had a friend pass away last week. It was a shock for our whole church family. 47 - a year older than B. Leaving a wife, a daughter and two boys. Too young to leave them. Too much left to do.

God's got plans we will never understand until later - much later.
Having faith in Him makes trials easier to navigate. He's got a plan and it's not job to figure it out. My job is to rest in the plan, the hold on to His promises and to allow Him to guide me through the rough the waves, whatever size they may be. My job is to allow my lifeguard to show me how to swim, to teach me how to tread the water, and to bring me back to shore, whenever He chooses.