Fifteeeeennnn

Happy, happy, happy birthday sweet Peanut.

What.a.year.

Dude - you all of a sudden became a teenager.
You've got hair growing all over, you grew all of a sudden, and who knew that cold I thought you were fighting was actually your voice changing?!

I can't even.

This year you jumped from middle school to high school and it's been a doozy.
Lots of new grown-up-ish stuff. You're driving!?

You're learning and growing and becoming this amazing young man.

You love to laugh.
You love all things football, baseball, and basketball.
You have found a new appreciation for shooting (airsoft, BB, and pistols).
You are open to trying new things (ah, what a sense of adventure!).

You've done some traveling this year! Youthquake, Mission trip to Arizona, and back to Arizona to visit Grandpa and Steve. Your heart softened for those who have less and you gained new independence.

As much as this growing up stuff is hard on both of us (let's face it, we both want you to stay a kid FOREVER!), it's been a privilege to watch you navigate this world and figure out who you are in it.

I am so proud of the young man you are becoming. You make me laugh on a daily basis and I'm forever grateful that you still want to hang out with me.

I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Je t'aime.
Je t'aime.
Je t'aime.

Mom
xo

Adulting

So you are now an "adult".

18 on the 18th.
A golden birthday.

This past year has brought a ton of growth in you.

I've seen you step (tentatively) into leadership roles, take responsibility for your education, and really think through your future and what you want from it. You've decided and changed your mind and decided again.

I love this. I love to see you attempt adulting (which isn't always fun!) while still retaining your youth.

Currently you have loves (and even slight obsessions!) that have been super fun to watch:

• Grey's Anatomy (this makes you a doctor/nurse/intern)
• Leggings (the trend isn't dying anytime soon)
• Shoes (no preference, you embrace them all)
• Layering (another fashion trend that hangs on)
• Calendar/Agenda book (who knew you'd like paper so much?!)
• Chips and Salsa (I mean, what's not to love?!)
• Smelly things (candles/candle warmers/plugins)
• Popcorn (in the air popper!)
• COFFEE (ha!)
• Serving at PNO (heart)

There are several more things that interest you and all of them are shaping you into this beautiful young lady. 

I am praying that as you enter adulthood, you stay grounded in Him even when things don't seem so steady.

I love you very very much, Mlle Amelie.

Marie

A Decade of Perfect

Oh my sweet Monkey -

You turned 10 last month and our October was a bit crazy this year... So here I am, over a month late, writing all about you and your sweetness.

Buddy - 10. It was a hard one for me. You are growing much too fast.
Two full hands of fingers.

A decade of loving and laughing with you.
You are such a ham. I am loving every minute of this time in your life.

At 10 your interests include, Pokemon (we had to get a bigger binder for all those cards!), Minecraft, Dan TDM videos, playing baseball, scooter tricks, super heroes, movies, skateboard learning, and ice cream eating. You are unique and such a joy to have around.

You are still strong willed and I see it flourish into such good things.
You are a champion for justice. You want your opinion heard. You have solid arguments and reasons.

You have a best friend. Jett.
You are loyal to him. You are both very similar. Both strong and interesting.

You are finding your voice in our family.
Being the youngest is hard, but you are cracking out of the "baby" shell and into your own little person. You have thoughts on politics and religion and human rights. You have a voice and you want it heard.

You are still my biggest cuddler.
Even for just 5 minutes, you need that cuddle. I am forever thankful.

You don't like bad things.
It hurts your head and heart when shows about the harshness of life are on in the house. You can't stand to hear the stories or see the disaster of our world. I love that about your heart and I protect you from it as much as possible.

You, my sweet boy, have a spirit I pray never breaks. From the moment I prayed for you until today, my love has done nothing by grow. You are a part of the best of me.

I wish you the happiest of birthdays and I pray you hold fast to your identity in Him.
I love you,
Mom

xo

Freshman Year

You've been a Freshman for two weeks today.

I know you've heard me say it time and time again but I remember you laying on my chest, all snug in a little bundle and rocking you for long stretches of time... just you and me. I miss that.

But I love this.

I love hearing about the highs and lows of life. I love your heart and I love seeing you walk through young adulthood. It's emotionally filled for the both of us.

There are going to be so many struggles in the next four years... similar to the first four years of life.
You'll be learning how to walk in this dark world with a lot less of my presence.
You'll be learning how to find your voice and communicate your wants and needs.
You'll be gaining a bit more independence.
You'll discover new likes and dislikes.
You'll fall... and you'll pick yourself back up again.

Through this season of growth, I pray that you will lean on our Heavenly Father and that even when this world fills your head with lies and hate and tries to create for you a worldly identity, that you'll stand firm on your identity in the One who never has let you down, the One who's Truth has been tested for thousands of years and never faltered.

I pray that you'll see me as your ally even when you are annoyed with my rules and standards. Trust that I really do have your best interest at heart. Roll your eyes when I tell you, I too was once a teenager and that I understand the pressures. It's ok. Cause I get that part too.

Peanut, you own this huge part of real estate in my heart. You and me, we're a lot alike.
So for the next 4 years, I'll be the one on the sidelines with open arms, cheering the loudest.
Go get 'em!

I love you. I love you. I love you.
Je t'aime. Je t'aime. Je t'aime.
Mom

Senior Year

Today was your last first day of high school.
At this time next year life will look much different.

I remember watching you as we walked along the streets of downtown Kansas City over 6 years ago. Crooked teeth, little side swept bangs, pony tail, tennis shoes, and a shy smile.
A moment frozen in time for me.

This one, this morning is too.
A young lady, not quite a woman.
Holding the little chalkboard with the word "senior" on it.

Senior.
We are nearing the end of a chapter.
One that I'm not sure I'm ready for.
A chapter that I've been part of for too short a time.
A chapter filled with laughing and tears and inside jokes and eye rolls and physical and emotional growth.
A chapter I've enjoyed every single minute of.

So while I take the next year and savor every single moment of it, I'll also be grieving a bit for the new chapter that's right around the corner.

There is no doubt in my mind that you are ready for this final year before the next big step.
You have worked hard. You have created this crazy plan and you've stuck to it. You have pushed yourself. You have created a vision and you are executing it beautifully.

I feel beyond blessed to be part of this journey with you.
I love you a whole bunch, A.

Happy Senior Year,
Marie

Mother's Day

I woke up on Mother's Day thinking about how very grateful I am for my kids.
As long as I can remember, 3 was my magic number. I wanted three. Specifically 1 girl and 2 boys.
Crazy, huh?

So here I am... years later with my perfect little bundle.
All three challenge me in different ways. They make me grow, make me better, make me laugh, allow me to make mistakes and love me through my craziness.

The reason I am who I am and where I am has a huge amount to do with who they are.

Them.

Her.
Kind heart.
Lover of Christ.
Focused.
Driven.
Sarcastic.
Aware.
Private.
My forever Grey's partner.

Him.
Loyal.
Funny.
Faith filled.
Helpful.
Tender heart.
Social.
Adventurous.
My forever deep thinker.

Him.
Spirited.
Determined.
Sensitive.
Imaginative.
Empathetic.
God loving.
Confident.
My forever snuggle buddy.

Them. They are making me me. They are creating this woman who is forever thriving to do better, who worries more than she should, who drops to her knees daily, who loves harder than she ever imagined, who has become a taxi driver, therapist, waitress, nurse, paper editor, logistics manager... who has become so much more than she ever thought and wouldn't trade a second of it.

This Mother's Day was filled with moments of them. Moments I never want to forget.

7

So I survived a fast from Social Media for 1 month.

No:
1. Facebook
2. Instragram

3. Pinterest
4. TV
5. Internet (unless for work/school)
6. Snapchat
7. Podcasts

Was it difficult? Some days. And again I learned more about myself and my habits.
When I'm stressed, there's nothing I'd like more than to watch a movie with the kids. 
Instead, I prayed or read or took walks or went to bed.
When I'm cooking dinner (waiting on things to cook, boil, etc), I love to check me some feeds.
Instead, I talked to others, I read, I did some laundry, I wiped things down.

I thought I would miss Facebook a ton. The first few days, maybe. But not really. It wasn't until Sunday when we could jump back into the Social Media world did I realize how much I didn't miss and how much less stressed I felt of not having it around. 

I did miss Pinterest. I wanted to scroll things and see some fun creative stuff. 
I've had some dental issues this month which landed me in the dental office more than I care to share... so during those times I... get this... flipped through Better Homes and Garden and got some fun ideas. For real. They still make those. In paper and everything. :)

So in the end I survived month 4 and I liked it. It was good, refreshing and made me pick up new habits and lose bad ones. Yay!

This month we are reducing waste. Compost, additional recycling, canvas bags, second hand shops and more! This has been a great journey.

6 years

6 years today I met you at a dodgy Mexican restaurant. A half way mark for both of us.
We've been meeting like that for 6 years now. 

Meeting half way in dating, marriage, parenting, friendship.

It seems like a lot less time and a lot more all at once.

I was so nervous that night.
Not sure what to think.
Dating with kids was a completely new concept.
Dating. Broken and dating. Great combo.

But you listened. And you laughed. And you stared. 
You.
Great smile. Easy laugh. Smelled delicious.Great date.

When we met outside the restaurant, you hugged me. I knew then and there that you were genuine by the way you held me. The feel of your back through your shirt. Weird that I remember that.

Leaving was a bit awkward. A hug. And back for a kiss. Perfect.
You were a great date 6 years ago and you continue to be.
I love you, B. xo

Good Enough

It's deep within me.

I know where the words stem. 

I know His words are more important than the ones that tend to fill my head these days.

I know He loves me just as I am. 

But the other's words are strong. Pounding. 

No matter what.
I'm not good enough.

I can work harder, be nicer, serve more, love more, forgive more, be more fun... more... 

I will never be good enough.

his words hurt.

he's right.

I will never be good enough.

That's why He came. For me. I know His truths. I know what He says about me.

I am God's child.Galatians 3:26

I am Jesus' friend.John 15:15

I am God's Incredible work of art.Ephesians 2:10

I am totally and completely forgiven.1 John 1:9

I am created In God's likeness.Ephesians 4:24

I am the salt of the earth.Matthew 5:13

I am the light of the world.Matthew 5:14

I am greatly loved.Romans 5:8

I know those truths and the many others written in His word.

So why do I get sucked back into Satan's? Why do I act like a 5 year old and wallow in my "I can do this by myself!" attitude just to end up overwhelmed and feeling less than good? Why must I meet everyone's need to appease my weary soul? Why? Because when I do His will, Satan steps in and tries to shake my soul with lies that strike a chord.

It's at this time that my anxiety is at it's highest. When the words "No" have trouble making there way to my mouth. No means I'm too weak to do it. No means I'm failing. No means he's right. No means I'm not good enough.

And so I "do"more to work my head back to "good enough".

Every single freaking time.

I spent over a year in therapy and here I am again. Not good enough.

I fell off my grounded identity. Again.

I'm back to it, God. I'm back to You. I'm giving it back (although we both know that's just funny since I never had "it" in the first place). It's Yours. All of it. All of me. I can't be good enough, so I'm going to rest in being enough in You.

7

Today is my last day of 7, Month 3 - Possessions.

This month we were challenged to rid ourselves of 7 things every single day.
I didn't think I'd struggle with this one. I'm not a fan of "stuff" for the sake of "stuff".
So I dug in.

And I was challenged.
I have a thing with bowls. I know. Weird.
I love stacking bowls. Ceramic. Handmade looking.
Love. Love. Love them.
I have/had 4 sets in my kitchen. That I "use" (term used lightly).
I had a come to Jesus moment and... I got rid of two sets. It was hard. They are beautiful and in my head, soothing. But truth be told... I didn't use them. They were in a cabinet looking at me, taking room, and doing very little else. 

We have a huge stack of garage sale stuff in the basement (we went above and beyond the 7 per day), and the bowls are part of the stack. It's going to be hard to see them go but I'm sure they will make someone else super happy. Perfect condition. Lovely to look at. Well loved. Keeping things is selfish and just adds more chaos to an overly ridiculous life. This is good for my house and it's good for my soul.

This next month we are saying adios to technology/media.

Good bye:
1. Facebook
2. Instragram
3. Pinterest
4. TV
5. Internet (unless for work/school)
6. Snapchat
7. Podcasts

Hello:
1. Reading
2. Board Games
3. Resting in Him
4. Chatting
5. Painting (the house)
6. Sorting/pricing through the garage sale stuff
7. Walking

Moving forward! 3 months down, 4 to go!

Waves and the Lifeguard

B and I often talk about this season in our lives - the best years of our lives.

At this moment our season is surrounded by growth and changes. Our children are growing, we're experiencing new things with them (college tours, high school sign ups, multiplication flash cards). New things and growing things...

Our nieces and nephews are having babies. We are attending weddings and baby showers... and funerals. Friends and family are ill... some pass away while others survive to see the next trial.

We had a friend pass away last week. It was a shock for our whole church family. 47 - a year older than B. Leaving a wife, a daughter and two boys. Too young to leave them. Too much left to do.

God's got plans we will never understand until later - much later.
Having faith in Him makes trials easier to navigate. He's got a plan and it's not job to figure it out. My job is to rest in the plan, the hold on to His promises and to allow Him to guide me through the rough the waves, whatever size they may be. My job is to allow my lifeguard to show me how to swim, to teach me how to tread the water, and to bring me back to shore, whenever He chooses.

7

A group of 6 ladies and I are working our way through Jen Hatmaker's book entitled "7". 

7 is the true story of how Jen took seven months, identified seven areas of excess, and made seven simple choices to fight back against the modern-day diseases of greed, materialism, and overindulgence. 

American life can be excessive, to say the least. After reading into the concept of the book and the project, we decided we would challenge ourselves to eliminating waste in our lives.

January: Food.
February: Clothes.
March: Possessions.
April: Media.
May: Waste.
June: Spending.
July: Stress.

So January consisted of a diet of 7 foods. We ate the same 7 foods (not processed) all month. It was hard... the first 3 days. But reminding myself of those who eat a cup of porridge every day was enough to keep my mouth shut (for the most part). I REALLY enjoyed this month. It was hard but there was a lot of growth during this month. 

This month is clothes. We chose 7 items of clothing and that's all we wear (excluding underwear and pjs). No jewelry, no scarves, no "extras", I didn't realize how much I play with my necklace until this month. I miss that little anxiety calmer. 

March is getting rid of 7 things every day. We're doing it. I am not a keeper, but I know there's always an abundance that can be donated or sold. To motivate my family, I promised them a spring garage sale. Do you realize how big of a deal this is? I'm not a fan of garage sale execution, but if it's for pure motivation... we'll do it!

This whole process has been really interesting and fun. I feel like I'm focusing on the important, helping me focus on the right thing. Him. 

Death and The Moment

My co-worker passed away a week and a half ago.
34 years old.

You think about the life you lead within the walls of the "office" as separate from your "life". These people you spend 8+ hours with every single day. The ones who have seen you at your very worst and at your very best. The ones who have seen you cry during personal challenges, rant during professional challenges... have listened to your hiccups and snorts during laughter. Who you talk about your "life" with...

Not until one dies do you realize, you were living "life" with him/her, with all of them. You know how many siblings they have and where their parents live and when they got married and how many kids they have. You have seen life with them, you have lived life with them.

And so he's gone. And it leaves a big empty spot in our hearts. It was sudden. It was shocking.
I can't ask him "a quick question" or listen to him speak to his family over the phone (officles are not private folks!).

Just like that, we mourn, we grieve, we question... we move forward.

His death made me realize just how much I love these crazy folks that surround me at work.
I'm doing my very best to enjoy our silly moments and our sad ones. To make time for more connecting and more enjoying through our deadlines and meetings.

This is life. All of it. The work, the leisure, the home. All of it. And I'm going to enjoy all of the moments it provides.

RIP JJK

Recaps and Futures

The last quarter of every year is always so packed with activities. FUN stuff, but lots of them! We have 4 birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's!

We had a lovely Christmas filled with family and memories. Family came in from Illinois, Florida, and Texas... we loved on each other. We laughed, we ate too much, and we didn't sleep nearly enough. It was perfect.

We hosted our annual New Year's Eve party. It was fun. We stayed up until midnight (yay to us old people!) and another wooden spoon broke (banging those pans outside can get serious in no time!).

I LOVE to be surrounded by family and friends. I love having a house full of people. I love hosting and seeing people laughing and the ping pong competitions, and the food, and the sounds... I love the memories.

2015 was an amazing year. One where I dropped to my knees many times thanking my Father for His blessings. So many and so undeserving. B and I are very aware of how blessed we are - there is no doubt that we serve an awesome God. We had some doozies in 2015 as well, but having a Father who is forever loving and grace filled and forgiving makes mountains look like mole hills. God is so good to us.

A and I started Jen Hatmaker's "7" challenge on January 1st. For the next 7 months we will walk through a journey where we will simplify our lives in all kinds of (radical) ways. This month we are eating 7 foods and only 7 foods. It was rough for the first 3 days but now it's good... I remind myself that 7 is so much more than 1 or 0 which is what a huge population of our world lives on. I am financial and physically able to purchase hundreds of varieties of foods at thousands of places. There are human beings fighting for rice, for water, for basics. We are rolling in blessings and complaining about our restriction to 7 foods seems quite selfish.

Next month we'll be wearing 7 items of clothing all month. We're going to get creative!

I pray that as we continue on this journey that we rid ourselves of our "needy" mentality and realize that we live in an abundant life. I pray that we can look at what we have and find ways, all kinds, to give back to others and to the nature God has given us.

This has been a challenge, but only because there are parts of me God wants to make better and that's an excellent way to start 2016!