Robert

Robert died on Sunday.

I'm filled with a bittersweet feeling. Sad and happy all at once.

Robert was a big part of my childhood, my friends knew him well and knew we could count on him to be the "dad" when playing house... my teen years were touched by his messages on my answering machine, singing to me the latest popular country song. And as an adult, our Facebook messages would be ones of encouragement to him, raising him up on his sad days and talking about nothing and everything on other days.

My aunt and uncle lost their oldest son. The one they've been caring for for the past 40 years. His health concerns being at the forefront of their minds every single day. The next steps. The best way to control the seizures. Keeping his young spirit in line with his aging body. The fall was unavoidable and one where he would never regain his step.

Robert battled a lot of physical and mental challenges throughout his 40 years of life but he never noticed it. What we saw as a battle, he saw as a journey. With his guitar, his music, his silly jokes and pure heart, he plowed forward. Never knowing a stranger and loving everyone, he was the example of how uncomplicated life should be and how completely messy we make it.

There is no doubt in my mind that Robert is with Jesus today. And that's what fills me with joy. He's playing guitar, hugging everyone he meets in Heaven and is free of pain.

This Easter I plan on honoring Robert's life by recreating our childhood tradition. I'll be rocking out to the Beach Boys and "surfing" on my rocking chair.

Je t'aime!

Career and Anxiety

This past month has been difficult. Like really really hard.

I had to take a good long hard look at my career and figure out its direction. In the last nearly 16 years, I've never done that. I've just kind of floated and landed in some pretty amazing spots. It's actually a bit embarrassing to say I have never put much thought in it - I basically just work hard and whatever happened, happened.

But this past month things have been floating around that have made me have to make choices. Hard choices. Choices that have made me sleep deprived and working harder.

I've learned a lot about myself through it. I've learned a lot about God through it too. But mostly, I learned a lot about my family. They have been the most supporting and loving bunch through my crazyness. They've loved on me. Gave me hugs. Sent me encouraging texts. Told me they are proud of me. Laughed at my ridiculous anxiety (I did too!) and just loved on me.

So it's over now. And I'm at peace. And all is well.
I look back on this path month and I see the journey and as much as I love a good lesson... I sure am glad this one's been taught!