Growing up and biting down

I've been on vacation for the past week. We've been serving others, having friends over and working on home projects. It's been glorious. 

I love Christmas break. 

I have a long to-do list and I'm getting to it but I'm not crazy ridiculous about it. By golly, I think I'm growing. 

2013 has done that for me... Lots of personal growth. During the first half of 2013, I was counting the days till the end of the year because the growth was rough but now... Now, I'm hoping... No praying God continues his accelerated growth in me. He has paired me with a great man for it. B has shown me in this past year how to bite my tongue when I've wanted to fight back. He has shown me emotional strength, and together we have reminded one other on total dependence and reliance on His plan, regardless of our wants. 

Together, we lived 2013 relying on Him and His will. Ready to accept whatever came our way. 

And that's how I'm going to do 2014. Relying on Him, looking to Him for my strength and answers and continuing to bite my tongue (sheesh, that one's hard!). 

44 years of life

And so Monday marked your 44th birthday.

Would you believe me if I told you my heart aches for the years I didn't get to celebrate your birthday with you? It seems strange to me that you've celebrated with others for some years, on your own for others and now with me. We've lived lives without each other and your birthday brings those thoughts to the surface.

44 years on this planet. 44 years of joys and pains. 40 of those years were without me. 40 years of others knowing you before me.

I choose to focus on the now. The you and me. The you more than the me. Your mine. All of you.
For the next 47.5 years (remember, I told you, we're going to celebrate our 50th together)it's you. You. You. You. And if it's anything like the last 4 years... it's going to be good.

In the past 4 years your heart and mind have kept me captivated. Your thoughts, your words (as few as they are at times), your smile, your heart, your smell (delish!), your laugh... it's captivated my heart and soul.

This past year has brought on challenges neither one of us were prepared for, but we did it. We're doing it. It's not been fun, but it's been a growing experience. We see each other in a different light. We rely on one another differently then we ever thought possible.

So yes, others have had you for longer than I... but I think I've got you during the best time. The then, the now, the when.

I love you, B. I love you more than you'll ever know.
me