Limbs

They left on Christmas morning after opening their gifts and I won't see them for another "2 more sleeps", a total of "5 sleeps".

I miss them. I miss them like crazy.

I'm struggling this week because I'm realizing that they aren't just my blessing but a blessing I share with their dad. I've always known that but this week has helped me to better understand it. Their dad is now in a better place, a more stable place, to be able to take them for longer periods of time. I'm excited about this. I want the kids to experience time with him. I want them to form a special bond and life with him. They need that. He needs that. Having extended time with him helps provide that.

For 9 years I've taken care of dropping them off, picking them up, putting them to bed, feeding, making appointments and play dates for them. I haven't had to share that a whole lot. Sure when I was married there was some input, some help but essentially it fell on my shoulders and how I loved it. I was born to be a mother. To be surrounded by chaos and booger filled noses and slobber kisses.

Letting someone else (even their dad!) do it, even for just a week, is tough. Waking up in the morning and only having to worry about myself is odd. I feel like a limb is missing. Two actually. But I rest in knowing that those limbs are growing because they are given the essential vitamins they need to be healthy and strong: two parents who love them very much and meaningful time spent with the both of them.

'Tis the season

It's that time of year again when I start thinking of the things I want to work on in the upcoming year.

2011. Wow.

Here's what I have:
- Create exciting (alright, edible) weekly meal plans.
- Send birthday cards to my friends and family on time.
- Build an Emergency Savings account (per Dave Ramsey).
- Find moments for more one-on-one time with the kiddos.
- Make one new meal/dessert from scratch, at a minimum, every month.
- Start running again.
- (Continue to) Be me.

Not a bad list. They aren't exactly resolutions since I'm not resolving anything.

And honestly, I just typed it all up quickly and didn't put much thought into it but these are the things that swim around in my head - a lot.

Do you have anything you'll be "working on" this upcoming year?

Thankfully living

As I wrap up my month of daily grateful thinking, I took a moment to seriously reflect on my daily thinking - Am I living a thankful life? 

There are so many obstacles in life, big ones and small ones. Obstacles are different for all of us and they can be life threatening or life changing. During the day we run into a million little obstacles that can make us stumble and create a real pain in our day. I often think it's human nature to focus on the rain during the day versus trying to find the rainbow.

One night as I prayed over dinner, I asked God to bless our food and thanked Him for giving me some pretty amazing kids. My monkey stopped me and said "Thank you, Mommy!" The biggest smile was spread across his face and he seemed totally excited that I thank God for him and his brother. Now, let me be clear - I do this often but at that moment he seemed to have heard me more clearly than before.  I couldn't get that sweet thanks and smile out of my head for days. 

Am I doing the same with my Heavenly Father? Am I thanking Him clearly and enthusiastically for the wonderful gifts He gives me? Am I communicating with Him how thankful I am for my life, all of it? Does He truly understand my appreciation of his grace and blessings? 

Do my family and friends know how completely in love I am with them? I sometimes feel like days, weeks, months and even years go by and I haven't communicated the things I want with them because of schedules or distance. I want them to never doubt that their simple presence blesses me.

Today, on the last day of November, I want to commit to living a more thankful life. I want to be more purposeful in loving, appreciating and recognizing the people who surround me.

Psalm 100
Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his[a];
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.