Feminism

Feminism.
Thoughts on this topic swirl in my head. Lots of things in no real order. Here's what I think today.

Gentlemen - don't leave me.
I like when the door is opened for me. I like that men let me go in the elevator first. I like that my husband wants to carry things in for me.I like that when I am carrying a box, a man wants to come and help me.I like that while I'm shoveling outside, that a man stops by and asks if I need or want help.Does it mean I'm weak? No, it means I'm respected and I am not offended by any of it.

Let's chat money, honey.
I know a few couples where the man stayed back and was the primary care taker of the kids while the woman killed it at work. When he entered the workforce afterwards, he made less than she did... and less than the other woman in the workplace that had more experience than him, cause that's how that works. Women entering the work force after staying home for years, shouldn't make the same as their male or female counterparts who have worked consecutively for years. 

I make decisions every single day based on my personal choices. I choose family over work. I will leave work early or during the day to take kids to appointments or attend class parties or sports games. I will not always work long hours at night because I will be reading to my kids or talking to teens about life. I will choose kids over work.

I have coworkers - men and women, who make different decisions. They choose work over family. That's their choice and because of that, they will be rewarded differently than I do. Am I upset about it? No.

Generally, women are the ones who make those choices - who choose family over work. Culturally, we see this shifting where men are making those same choices more often.  I think the pay will change because of this. Men are choosing family more and more over work. Especially the younger generation and I think that's going to shift things in the salary equality. This has nothing to do with gender but lifestyle choices. 

Dressing up.
If a guy walks around in a Speedo, you bet I'm looking. If a man came into a meeting with his shirt unbuttoned half way down, I'd be looking at the chest hair or man boobs, or whatever else he's wanting me to look at. If a man walked by me with short shorts and half of his rear hanging out, yep, I'm going to look at the butt hair. I'm looking because I'm a curious human being and quite frankly a little shocked. We all are. I'm looking because I'm trying to figure out what message he's trying to send with his fashion choice.
What we wear, how we dress, how we walk and talk are all non-verbal cues of who we are. These are ways we represent ourselves. If you don't want people to see you as a sexual being but just as a human being, perhaps you can cover your sexual parts up.

Stereotypes
I've said things like "That's a man for you!" or "Men!" or "I left him with the kids. I hope they are still alive when I get back.". Are those things right? Heck no! Should I be ridiculed for them, no way. I should be gently corrected and we should all move forward. So when men say things like "Women are so emotional!" or "If she cries, I'm leaving." or whatever it is they say, it's a stereotype, because the majority of us are emotional and that's what makes us awesome.

Respect
The focus of our efforts shouldn't be minimizing one gender, it should be about respecting all human beings, in whatever stage our society is in. Be the change. Be the example. Be the love.

1 Peter 4:8: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." 
John 15:12: “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." 
1 Corinthians 13:13: “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

I also understand that men don't really know what to do anymore because it could offend some women and so I get it when they don't. No judgement here, boys - appreciated but not necessary.I work in a corporation where I hire folks and decide on salaries. We always look at the professional's experience, not gender. I understand that sexual discrimination happens, I think it's an exception and not a norm.Honestly, I'm watching women in politics right now and they are confirming all stereotypes. I'm seeing emotions fly all over the place - eye rolls and all. If you don't want the stereotype, don't do it.

Do women really make less than men? Maybe. Maybe not. If they do, why do they?

I don't throw my boobs, vagina, or butt out for all to see. And yes, I think if you're going to do that, you get what you get. Is it ok? Nope. But let's take some personal responsibility folks.

Sure there are plenty of stereotypes about women. And there are just as many about men.Be very careful about your words just as much as you want men to be careful. What I am seeing more of is things like "girl power". Hun, I have boys and girls and I'd like them all to be powerful. 

In the end it's about respect. Respect as a human not a man or a woman. I don't expect better treatment and I don't want better pay. I want respect and I want to give respect.I understand that women have been and will continue to be taken advantage of. I understand this happens to children, the elderly, people with lower incomes, different races, and yes... it happens to men too. Maybe not as often to men, but it still happens. 

Ingredients to Successful Co-Mothering

Parenting is one of the hardest jobs on the planet and it has nothing to do with logistics or kissing boo boos or even balancing work and life - it has everything to do with the heart.

Nothing in my life makes me feel as insecure and out of control as motherhood. I want to control their happiness and their safety and their choices. I want to be the soft place where they land while balancing the firmness of boundaries. I want them to avoid the hurts life will inevitably fling their way. I want to stand in front of them and fight their battles. I want to save them from the mistakes I’ve made. I want to be like Jesus for them.

I stink at this. Big time. Because I’m not Jesus – I’m this messy, hormonal, flawed woman who struggles with sins and baggage. I need Jesus’ grace and mercy on an hourly basis and so do the other mommas I share kids with – you see, I’m a bio mom, a step(bonus)-mom, and a foster-mom.

Mothering another woman’s child is a tender process, one I’ve messed up a lot. I’ve stepped on a lot of toes, have misunderstood and have been misunderstood, and unintentionally hurt others.

A ton of grace, prayer, over communication, respect, and assuming positive intent are the best ingredients for solid “co-mothering” relationship – well at least a shot at it. As I mother these children I did not bear, I constantly ask myself what I would want another mom to do if she was in my shoes.

Milestones, gifts, parties, hair, piercings, school grades/choices/updates, special events, trips, etc, are all things that are important to the child and to parents. When my bonus daughter was younger, her mom and I chatted often about these sorts of things. It was important to the both of us that she would find a special bond with me, while still nurturing the one she had with her mom.

When my foster kiddo has visits with mom, I hand over any art projects I have saved up and give her any hard copy pics I’ve taken of him. I also text her pictures and videos of him, along with any updates on his development. I will give her ideas on fun gifts he would like and set up activities they can do together when she’s with him. My goal is that they bond because that’s his momma.

God has grown me a lot as a human through this process. I’m by (sin) nature Type A and I want all things to line up and be fair and right and good. That doesn’t happen when you throw in other people’s opinions and traditions and wounds – it just doesn’t. What I have learned is that if I make choices and choose words from a place of love, then the child (in whatever category they fall in), always wins. The idea isn’t to compete, the idea is to nurture and promote healthy relationships, whatever that may look like.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8