Generational Sins

We like to brag on our kids and compare them to us -

She has my sense of humor!

He has my smarts!

He gets his physical ability from his dad. 

But we rarely (if ever) hear -

He struggles with pride like me. 

He's an alcoholic like me. 

She is insecure like me. 

Why? Because it's ugly and dark and who in the world wants to pass that crap on to their kids?

But we do. 

So let's be real. 

We produce sinful children because we ourselves are sinful. 

B asked me last night how we were ever going to help our kids be these thriving, amazingly helpful, love filled adults. I gave him my heart answer "We show them. We love. We communicate. We feel and allow to share feelings. We are their example."  But again he asked, needing more. And so I replied "We pray. We love. We save for therapy because God knows we'll mess them up!"

We are not perfect. We have perfect intentions in a very sin filled body. We project our sins to humanity. We are sinners, saved by grace and only grace. 

So pray, love, be real and hold on. 

We are going to mess them up. We are going to pass on our sin. But we pray and do better every day so that they can see and learn from our sins and that with them... They will stop. 

2 years

It has been 2 years since I last saw him. 2 years of listening to a voice over the telephone. 2 years of praying that the cancer is really gone and I'll once again be able to hang on his neck and dance in the kitchen with him. 2 years of anxiety filled conversations about his recent trip to the ER. 2 years of aging. 

This man I have loved for 33 years. This man who has owned my heart longer than any other. This man who I call "Dad". 

A forever home

Having a blended family is not what I thought it would be.

 In fact, I never really thought much of it because I truly believed in marriage forever. (I still do.) 

 But here I am... in a blended family. 

 Do you ever wonder what it's like to be a big part of a child's life that isn't your flesh and blood? It's indescribable. It's wild. It's ridiculously crazy fun. And it's super emotional. 

Maybe it's her. Maybe it's me. 

I like to think it's both of us. 

The very first day I met her, she didn't talk much. She was busy worrying about the possibility of an evil stepmother. I was busy worrying she wouldn't like me. 

But then... we pretty much fell in love with each other and I can't imagine my life without her in it. 

 So here we are. 3 years later... she's a part of me. 

She quickly found her way to my heart... and then she dug in there and made herself a perfectly sweet home. A forever home.

Brokenness

I just finished reading a book about how as we grow as Christians we tend to hide all of our imperfections and new Christians don't do that. They, oddly enough, get what being a Christian is truly about. 

Forgiveness, new life in Him, hope, love...

I don't know when or why it happens but overtime we assume perfection. Not that we are, we just assume it. 

I am trying my best not to be like that. 

I am a complete and total mess and I'm glad because without it, I wouldn't cling so much to Him. 

Maybe that's why I share my stories so freely. Why I'm against secrets. Why I love transparency and realness. Why I ask you a lot of questions. Why I love to learn about other people's stories. Why talking feelings isn't something I do, it's who I am. 

I want to know. I want to share. I want to love your brokenness because He loves mine. 

Every single time

Whether I am in the front, praying with people, or standing in worship watching people pray together. 

I stand in awe of His great power... of their faith... of our church family living it out. 

I stand and sing. My eyes closed and moist, my heart full. 

He is my rock and watching others pray to Him, their rock, it's breathtaking. 

Every time, my heart overflows with love. 

Every single time.